Psalms 61;2b

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

First day of walking in alone

Today was L's 2nd day of school...his first day of walking in alone.
After a busy morning and making Tom feel guilty for having no part in the school day, he decided/demanded that he would take the kids to school today.
What was I thinking????? I sit here tonight with a hole in the pit of my stomach...Lukas had to walk in alone and he didn't have me to be there for him.
I can imagine him looking back at me with his scared big eyes as he took his first few steps up the sidewalk ...I would have been bawling by this was Tom taking him today a good thing??? NO!!!! Did Tom say the prayer with them as I always do before dropping them off at school or daycare? Did he ask God to watch over them and keep his protecting hand on them?

What was Lukas thinking when he approached the big doors that led down the long, long hall to the gym? Was he scared? or was he excited? Were his palms sweaty? Was his backpack heavy? Did he have butterflies?
Did he walk fast, afraid he would miss his teacher when she came to get them? or did he go slow, dreading the noise (he hates noise) and all the bigger kids in the gym? What was he thinking walking down that long hallway? about me? about daddy? Did he look back for one last glimpse of daddy in his big purple truck? Did he wish sissy was with him, holding his hand? Did he think about God and how Mommy always said in her prayer that Jesus could be like a mommy to him when I wasn't there? Could he hear the soft flutter of the angel wings as they floated slightly above him, protecting him from the dangers of the world?
Was the teacher there when he got there or did he know where to sit?
I sit here tonight and cry...cry for my kindergardner...cry for my little boy....cry for me...
I wanted to be there as he took his first long walk down that hallway...

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