ICU nursing

I am back at work. Just came in from 6 days off. (that's the good thing about working 12 hour shifts... you get a lot of days off if you schedule them correctly)... So I get pulled to the stepdown unit again... Here we have 3 patients and basically, they are stable. They all sleep thru the night- which is a big plus!!!! I am going to say this- and it is according to my state of mind, hormones, etc- I do not like hospital nursing... I just don't like it.  I have always worked in long term care and I still miss it.  I am a totally different person in the hospital.  I don't have much confidence in my nursing skills, because of all of these problems are acute... I am used to dealing with chronic problems... My buddy is wanting me to go get certified for critical care and that will also give me a raise of $1... I just don't know if it is worth it... I don't know how long I will stay here... but I have been saying that for the last 10 months... and I am still here...hoping that I will find my niche... yes, it has been a learning experience... yes, I am still learning things-- yes, tomorrow, I might like it again... but for today, I just want to be home in the bed!!!! I have a cousin, who likes hospital work.  I cant find the like for it today... I am getting older and need to find a stress free, desk job... just sayin'

On My Crazy Side...honest..I am craz~~EEEEY!!!...(Diet Dr. Pepper High)

Okay, so I on Fri morn, I get up at about 6 30am and proceed to get ready for school...go to work for a relatively boring day....(important fact....>) I forgot and drank a 12 oz can of Diet Dr. Pepper for lunch...knowing that I can't sleep well with caffeine, since I usually only drink it on weekends...(stay with me here, this is relevant...) so I go home at 3pm as usual...but since I have to work graveyard (12 hour shift) tonight, I have time to grab a small 2 hour nap...oh, but I forgot...I'm not sleepy at all cause I drank Dr. Pepper!!!!! But..I lay down anyway and basically sleep..but a very non REM sleep...So, at 6:00 I get up and proceed to go to work..I do have a can of Diet Dr. Pepper in my bag, because I usually use it to keep awake...
la la la la ala....I'm working...I'm working....it's 11:00pm..I'm hungry...my plan is to get something to eat and drink my Dr. Pepper...well, I go out to Sonic...and think..well, I might want cherry flavor in my Diet Dr. Pepper...so I order a Rt 44 size Diet Dr. Pepper with cherry flavor....ok...not really thinking that 44 means 44 ounces ....I know 44 means the largest size...but heck, it is my bedtime... I am allowed to not b thinking right now....LOL (trust me, it gets worse..)
So I love Dr. Pepper...my fav drink...I told someone, it is my "beer" Thar aint nuttin like a cold swig of Dr. Pepper...
Yes, I drink it and proceed thru the night...come 7am, I am still working...could actually leave for home now, but also can stay and finish this or that...so that is what I do...finish this...finish that....not a bit sleepy...although I have been up for 24 hours basically at this point...25 to be exact...8am...still at work...9:00am...still at work...not sleepy...actually feeling pretty good...9:30...someone says "are you still here??? didn't you work last night???" 'yeah, but I need to finish this....' not sleepy...10:00 am...I am not sure really what time I clocked out to go home....sometime after 10 I think...(it still gets better...I told you I was totally crazy!!!)
I walk to my car...WOW, what a BEAUTIFUL day!!!! The sun is shining...the birds are chirping...it must be 50 degrees already...( I look at my car therm...it is 42...) Ok, so my thoughts are ramblin...I'm gonna stay up for awhile...no, I really need to sleep....I drive thru town, contemplating going to Walmart...or going to visit my niece...or stopping and eating breakfast...not a bit sleepy....oh, I could get my oil changed, since it is about 5000 miles overdue...so I whip it into the Lube Xpress...get an oil change...who knows what time it is...heck, who cares??? I am going home to clean my house...kids are away in Johnson City..it is a beautiful day...going home...okay...we get a bit tricky here...I have been awake for about 28 hours now... on the way home, I start thinking of me and my troubles...and I start crying...just bawling...(don't feel sorry for me...this is funny!!!!) I mean just sobbing...and in the midst of my sobs, I keep yawning...sob...sob....yawn...sob...sob...yawn...now if you have never done this...beware, cause it kinda stimulates your gag reflex and really...you think you are gonna puke...I mean, this is weird..I don't know whether to cry, yawn or puke...AND....I'm driving 60 mph down the road...I am totally crazy...I told you....
So, I compose my sobbing, yawning, almost puking self and think what a comical scene I am..and then on top of all that, I start laughing...God forbid that a cop is following me...I mean, what would someone think??? Well, just exactly what you all are thinking right now....
Oh and BTW, I really honestly believe that when I cranked my car after the oil change that it ran smoother...reckon??
Oh, and another thing...I am home...it is 12 noon and I might go to bed here in a bit...
Someone remind me never to drink 44 oz of caffeine when I am planning on sleeping in the next 48 hours....!!!!!!!!!

A New ME...

Okay, so I have to admit it...I am crazy...well, this goes deeper than what you know...I Do have to take Effexor, which is an antidepressant...I don't mind the fact that I need it...I take it and don't deny that if I didn't take it, I would KILL people...no, really, with hatchets...I can't name names on here, because it would be premeditated when I decide to stop my medication...LOL
So, anyway, I got this job at the school, (which I love) back in August...I decided that I didn't need to take as high a dose as I am taking...I mean, no stress, you know...so I dropped back to a lower milligram...I am sailing right along...thru winter, proud that I have made it and actually think I don't need the higher dose...or should I say right here-- highest dose...but then after about January, I start using make up less and less...I realize by the end of Feb. that I haven't bothered to "shape" my fingernails in months...they look awful...can't tell you the last time I painted them. Nothing interests me, so yes, I find that I am downright depressed. I fight it for several weeks, not mentioning it to anyone, but knowing that deep down, I am gonna have to go back on the higher dosage...I want to sleep alot, don't mind if I do stay in bed, you know, those kind of things...oh, I still went to work, to church, etc. because I knew those were places that I had to go...I know, you would think a nurse would have more sense...well, I don't like to take medication just like the next person! and this is ME we are talking about...I mean, aren't mothers supposed to be perfect...handle everything...be cool in hot situations...no stress...Well, for whatever reason, this is not me and it usually takes me some getting used to the facts about my craziness...
So, I increased my medication and now I feel so much better...yeah, laugh and say, "I told you so"...that's okay... I am just so stubborn, that I have to learn things for myself...I can't take others words for it...I have to have "Proof" that I can't decrease my dosage...and needless to say, I got it...My Doc friend said, "Why you do such things I will never know!!" Well, that is why! I must try all other methods or interventions...I mean, I feel like no one knows me better than myself...right? So, how would anyone else know what dosage I need, except me...

I used a gift certificate from Christmas that I hadn't used to get my nails done, I have re-joined the gym, I am wearing make up again everyday and actually feel good about myself...Tom is even happier...:) Isn't it amazing what a little pill will do for ya!!!! So, I'm better for the time being... and just for keeping record...here are pictures of my nails...I love them...think I will keep them done all the time...

Easter 08

I guess it is time for an update, right?? Easter has come and gone and Morgan had a hard day. I think she wanted the hunt to be as exciting as it always was, and it wasn't...cause she is growing up...okay, so she had a fun time coloring eggs, was in a good mood...Tim, Helen and Anthony went to hide Eggs, she was excited...she goes out to hunt...here she is hunting...



Then, I went to take more pictures of her, after taking some pictures of Jaida and Lukas...and here is what I find...


She is lying on the porch swing...mad...at what? Who knows? I really don't think she knows.
I kept asking her and so did everyone else...but all we got was "I'm TIRED!!!" or "I'm MAD!"
She didn't know I took the pictures...so one day, when she gets about 34 with a daughter that acts just like me and her, I will have to show her!!! LOL Mamaw Chris asked her why she poured out her basket and she replied...."cause I like busting them like this!" and proceeded to bust an egg in her fist. Bless its heart, she is going thru puberty and doesn't feel she has a place in this world right now...NO, BLESS my HEart!!!! I am the one who is gonna be crazy by the time she is grown! I can't help but laugh sometimes, cause it is all so dramatic...of course, Mom keeps telling me it is all coming home to me...!!! ARG!

dissatisfied...

ARG! Tom had given me some money to go shopping...how depressing!!! I took 9 items of clothing into the dressing room...came out with 4 that I was actually gonna take home...and they didn't reach of the shelf and grab me....but since I needed some winter clothes, I got them anyway...I think I could shop for hours and still only find one or two items that I really liked...and the constraints of weight doesn't help any! I mean, if it were up to me, I would want to dress like a movie star all the time...is that flamboyant? yeah...that would probably be a good way to describe me...LOL
I need a haircut...i am tired of this stuff stringing in my face. I am tired of being at school trying to do something and my hair in my face. I need a new do...! any suggestions?
Gosh, am I hormonal or what!! nothing seems to satisfy me today. I am tired...want to take a nap... have a to-do list a mile long...want to take a nap...LOL
Tom called today to say he isn't feeling that great...ear hurting, throat hurting...I just need a nap...
Oh, and let me tell you what could be really dangerous right now...I have been getting on Ebay at school, just to pass some of my down time and I find myself bidding quite a bit! Oh, different things, books, scrap stuff, christmas presents...have actually won a few items...man, it is just to easy to pay online and it is over...just wait for the mail! So, i am trying not to get too addicted, cause that could cause some major financial difficulties!!! LOL
well, I am totally rambling my thoughts...will quit...right now...wait for a nap...