Ever Faithful...

It has been a while since I posted...I am so busy with summer...I love summer and try to do something outside every day...I have even been taking my lunch breaks outside in the middle of the night on the swing in the courtyard..so awesome..and the storms...I love them...as long as they don't cause any damage... :)
My storm rages on...I actually looked up last night and said, God, how much more can I take??? But this morning, I turned on the TV...which I NEVER do on Sunday morning...and was flipping thru trying to find some song to satisfy my troubled heart...and it was on Gaither Homecoming...the Crabb Family singing..."Through the Fire"...and at that moment, it became my motto for today...here are some of the words...

HE never promised that the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb...HE never offered victory without fighting, but HE said help would always come in time...Just remember when you're standing in the valley of decision and the advisary says Give in....Just hold on...Our Lord will show up and HE will take you thru the fire again!!!!!!

I once again was in awe at how God shows up and takes our burdens upon himself...he carried me today as well as my burden...I wish for one minute that I could put into words what God has really proved to me over the past 10 months...and I am sorry enough to still have doubts..and fears and such...he keeps showing up...time after time..and the most precious part...like the manna for the children of Isreal, He only gives me enough to get thru till the next battle...
I read a verse on Facebook that reminded me that David said..."weeping endureth for the night...but Joy comes in the morning..." My morning is coming...God continues to remind me of this time after time...HE IS EVER FAITHFUL...

I do want to encourage everyone to go read Isaiah 6...I heard a really good message on this and the part that stuck out to me was the praise that "moved the doorpost"...My interpretation of that is that the praise was so great, that is shook the house...I want my church to be that way...I want my children to grow up in a church where the smoke actually fills the santuary...I have saw this before...How strong is your praise?

A sign said...

"If you love me, keep my commandments..." a quote from the Bible by Jesus...
So how simple is that?? I just cant understand how some people can say they love God, but still deny Him by their actions...I just don't understand why they can't see?!!! But that is the problem...they do see..they do realize that they are not "right"...they just don't want to admit it to them self or to others...too proud...my heart breaks for these people...must God take everything from them for them to see? "If you love me, keep my commandments..." How sad that we can't even do that for Jesus, yet he gave his life for us...
breaks my heart...

Just hang on...Can I?

I have had so many doubts...about every couple of days, God shows up and gives me something to keep me hanging on...and me, being the very weak Christian that I am, just get so low and down and decide I have nothing to go on for...and I stop and cry out to the only One I know to cry to..
I have prayed God, give me something to hang on to...I need to know that he is still working and that I am not supposed to give up on my prayer...my hope...Someone just asked me yesterday how in the world I am so strong...I am not strong...I will just go ahead and say here that I love Tom with all my heart and just like the saying goes, you don't know what you got till it is gone...and yes, I have loved him since we were 13 or 14 years old...my close friends in high school remember me having a "crush" on him...as a matter of fact, I told one friend (Becky Cope) that I would marry him...that was my sophomore year I think...but back on topic...I am not strong....I am hanging on to hope by the grace of God...and God will show up and give me something to hope in and that will tide me over for a day or two...then I will go right back downhill....and I have to pray again...so just this week, I have prayed several times, God, I don't know whether to move on or hang on...I also prayed God, give me something at Wednesday night church service to help me...and the preacher preached on having Faith...telling the devil that we were hanging on to Faith...Wow...if that is not a sign from God...I felt so full after church...me and kids went to eat and I was just so full in my chest, I kept telling them how good God was to show up and help me...let me post parts of the scripture he read...2Corinthians 4;8-17

⁷But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.⁸We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;⁹Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

He also made a statement and made me think of my readers here...How can I testify that God is real if I don't have affliction...and He pulls me thru...I want you to know that if God can help me thru this, He can help you thru ANYTHING you are going thru...Never in my wildest dreams could I have thought I could live 7 months without Tom...but I have thru the Grace of God....and only thru Him...

Humility...(19th)

So today is the 19th...my calendar says to pray for my children's Humility...
Humility definition is accepting our selves as we really are or in other words not prideful...

Titus 3:2 says To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men...

I want my children to be proud of being a child of God, but not proud in a boastful way...I can remember being young and in a class with a little girl who really had major hygiene issues. This wasn't her fault and the other kids shunned her...I tried to include her, but she was still an outcast...nothing that I done, but I just can't stand to see someone left out...I have tried to tell my children to treat others better than they would want to be treated...This is hard for even us, as adults...I try to remind them to help others who are having a hard time...Lukas kept being bullied by a little guy who sat beside him...I just kept saying, Lukas, this little boy acts this way for some reason...please try to understand that this is his way of letting it out...then later I found out that he doesn't live with his Mom or Dad...he lives with his aunt...so obviously there is a problem at home...Finally, Lukas did complain and the teacher saw this as a problem and she moved Lukas...Poor little Morgan acts too much like me...I am saying an extra prayer for her!!! LOL
God, help my children to have the love of God in their hearts so strong that they will show meekness to everyone of their friends and people they meet. Help them not to act like me...

Hope...the 17th

I found a prayer calendar to use when you pray for your children...I want to utilize it on the days when I can think of it...:) Today is the 17th...
So for today, Let's look at Romans 15:13
Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

May the God of Hope grant that my children may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit...

I know that Morgan and Lukas both hope that things in our family life will get better..as a matter of fact, Lukas told me the other day that if he had to wait 6 months till Daddy came home, he would be glad to wait...this broke my heart, but we serve a God of hope...This verse says the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace...This is awesome scripture....I want my children to trust in the God of hope...Hope that will fill them with joy and peace...Hope that will help them make it thru each day, even though things may not be perfect...
Abound in hope...this means to be perfectly supplied or filled...so I want them to be perfectly supplied and filled with the Hope of God...
Thanks God for giving them hope...and me too, God...

Sweet Bye and Bye

I was at the piano Sunday Morning just playing a song between Sunday School and Worship service...I usually don't try to stress too much over the song choice...don't want something too slow or too fast...just something that will feel peaceful, yet get people ready to worship and in the right frame of mind...so I picked Sweet Bye and Bye...just because it fit the criteria and it was among the first songs I turned to...
It was a real blessing to Mr. Mitchell and he cried and worshiped while I was playing...nothing that I done, but God had obviously let me pick that song on purpose...so as I was watching him, I started concentrating on the words...and it was just such a blessing how that a song that you know by heart and have heard all your life can still touch your heart...The part that touched me was...
And our spirit shall sorrow no more....not a sigh for the blessings of rest...in the sweet bye and bye, we shall meet on that beautiful shore...in the sweet, bye and bye, we shall meet on that beautiful shore...
So then I started thinking how awesome the words were...I mean, how many times do we want peace...rest for our soul...and the song says not a "sigh"for the blessings of rest...and then the other phrase...And our spirit shall sorrow no more...oh, how my spirit sorrows lately...I have said several times that I just don't think I can handle more of it...(there are so many prayers that are going up for me, I am doing alot better this week...thank you so much...) but in the sweet by and by, we will not have a even a sigh for the blessing of rest...
Wow! it is amazing at the penmanship of the author, but more importantly the spirituality of it...
I do love praise and worship music, but I am positive that as far as wording, there is nothing that beats the old hymns.

God is so Good..

He has carried me thru the weekend. I have had a really good weekend with my children. They are so precious and I thank God everyday for them. They really amaze me and I can't believe I have got such good children..I surely don't deserve them...but here's what happened.
They both had to teach Sunday School for youth Sunday. As I already told you about Lukas' lesson, Morgan sat on the bed on Sunday morning and told me her lesson. She was gonna teach on the Armour of God. She had two thoughts. The first one was that the amour was tailor made for her...and my amour was tailor made for me...and she said "God knows where we are most vulnerable at and he makes our amour stronger in that area"....That was awesome!!!! I really was beaming with pride...then her second thought was about the shield of faith...she was gonna give a quote of Martin Luther King Jr...it says Faith is taking the first step even when you cannot see the entire staircase...
Then she had another thought about the sword...it is the Word of God, right...well she was talking about how you used a sword and how in order to win a battle, you had to become familiar with it...and it takes practice to use it and keep your skills sharp...
Wow, what thoughts, right??? I was so impressed...
So how did it go? Well, they said Lukas got up in front of the men class and was looking everyone in the eye...not dropping his gaze and said..."how many of you like chocolate" and none of the men raised thier hand..and he said..."hmmph." He then later told me his thought was..."well, old men don't like chocolate, I did figure that out!!!" ROFLOL!!!!
Morgan was amazed at what all worked into her lesson..she said that she couldn't believe all the stuff she was able to say...I told her that was God filling her mouth and that was the way Preachers were dependant on God to tell them what to say...

So today at 3:30, I will be signing "the papers"...I dread it...I know some of you may say I am stupid, but this was not the plan I had for my life at all....but if God is letting it happen, then it is his plan...I have prayed all day and last night for him to have mercy on Tom and even me.... I am afraid of the wrath of God, but I couldn't stand it if something happened to him... I took a picture of my wedding band and ring...just so I would have a picture of it...of course all kinds of things go thru your head...memories, mostly....like when he asked me to marry him...like when we were married and he first put my band on my hand...he did live with me till death do us part...cause I feel as if my heart is actually dead today.
God, please hold your arms around me to keep me from crumbling...I am broken, but if I fall apart, we might not be able to find all the pieces.

Eye of the Storm

I am really trying to seek the will of God in all my endeavors...I think that Tom and I are going thru this for a reason...I don't know what it is but I do know that I can say that God has revealed so much to me...and really... I don't feel totally molded yet...I think there is much more for me to learn. My life is not gonna get any better yet...I feel like I am meant to learn this lesson and until I do, I am gonna endure. It is almost like I am in the eye of the storm.
For two days, I have been able to use my experience to help someone who is contemplating going thru divorce...and to be honest, you really can't empathize with someone unless you have went thru the same thing...Is this God's calling for me? What am I supposed to be doing with my life? What is left for me to learn....I have prayed for about 2 weeks now, Lord, show me what you want me to learn...so for now, I am just keeping my eyes and ears open...waiting on the Lord.

"Strive to enter in"

I went to church at our church last night, even though Tom is no longer Pastor there, he was working, so me and the kids went...Morgan said when she got in the car, "how wonderful it was to see everyone!" Lukas agreed and it made me glad I went. There is so much love there. But anyway, I felt like the sermon was just for me. He preached on "Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13;24 " He had alot of good thoughts and the one that stuck out most is an illustration by John Bunyan and I can't find it online, but it was about the "narrow road" and how there wasn't enough room on it for me and my sins...also how much an Olympian strives to get his body prepared to win the gold and how hard this is...I do not strive near as hard as I should in my christian walk with God. Another statement he made was "This is not a passive religion" If there is not some kind of movement, feeling, striving, pressing then do we have what it takes? Anyway, I was blessed....Thanks to God. The crowd was really good last night and this made me feel good to see people still coming, not just for Tom. The verse keeps coming to me that He places all members in the body as he sees fit (But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. ICor 12;18) and I can see how God has definitly placed people in certain positions, even if it is just to pray or sing in chior and we have to trust that God knows what he is doing...we have to trust that He is in control and knows where he wants us. Please continue to pray for us...me, Tom and kids...nothing is any better, we just need prayer.

I can't make it...

I am at my wits end...I don't feel I can make it another step. I have stood all I can take...I am gonna have to give up... I am hanging on by a thread...It is starting to break...What am I gonna do? I am crying out to God, and feel that He is there, but I need strength to hang on...I need help, so bad...not just me, but the ones involved...I again asked God to let me read something last night that would help me...and he said "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." Galatians 6:9. So, yes, God is here... He is helping me...But why is the devil fighting so much??? I truly would like to know the future in cases like this...so I would know if I am gonna have to give up anyway. Is it even worth fighting for? I am a nervous wreck. I am sick constantly. I know my face shows worry signs all the time...I need to give up..for my saneness...
I have fell in a pit of quick sand and can't get out. I think I am near the top, then I loose my grip and sink back in. I can't pull out...I can't make it any longer. Please, God, help me. Please...

God Speaks...

It is Sat night, well actually Sun Morning and I really need to go to bed, but I am still just amazed at several things that happen in my life... Today, I did go see Jason Crabb at Dollywood. He did an awesome job and a really funny thing, was that he performed bare footed..said he didn't have time to get his socks and boots on when he heard his introduction... It was the first time I had ever saw him in person, I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't totally thrilled either. I do think he "performed", but in all fairness, that is what he was there to do. But overall, I was totally pleased that I got to see him...and really enjoyed the 45 minute concert. But anyway, wanted to say that he did sing several songs that I felt was for me. Jason also said, "Blessings do not depend on the opinions of people" Well, for some reason, this really stuck out to me too... After all I am going thru, God was speaking to me thru those songs and testimony...and then to top it off, I ran into one of my friends down there and shared a little with her about life's troubles and she said, "Well, isn't it funny how that God can get us humble, sometimes"...This totally caught my attention. I have had a peace in the last day that I can't explain...no, the problems are not gone, but several things have come my way that I just feel like is God speaking to me, giving me reassurance that He is still in control. I have picked up the Bible several nights and just opened it, praying for something to be there to help me, and do you know what the verse was the first night? Our problems are under His feet. Wow! What a consolation...that has helped me thru this week. The next night, was a scripture about, and I can't quote it, but it was saying how that God's mercy was upon a person. Right now, I need God's mercy so bad...

OMG, He really CARES about ME!!!

I have had a few very "away from God" weeks in the past month...thoughts running rapid thru my mind of evil things, people distracting me from the Christian way, and I had gotten pretty low....so low, in fact, that Tom even commented on my "God relationship". Well, as alot of you know, if Tom tells me something that I know is true,but don't want him to comment on, I am gonna either die trying to deny it or try to fix whatever is wrong...well, it just frustrates me in myself that Tom would say anything....Anyway, I had this problem, went to Bible study and asked for prayers...and obviously someone got ahold of God for me...On last Thurs night,I grabbed a devotional book beside my bed and started to read...it spoke of how if you continue to do something even when your conscience is telling you "No", that eventually it will quit bothering you...(well, I knew that, but you know how it is when you want to do something and try every way to justify) On Friday, I opened the Bible to read a scripture and Man, oh Man, did that hit home also!!!! I mean wow!!! Was this God talking or what??? So I started thinking on Sunday morning as I awoke, how good God was to care about me and even take the time to remind me of where I was wrong...well, then, as I got to Sunday School, we were late, of course, I walked in and the teacher was teaching once again, exactly on the scripture I read on Friday...His last statement really got me...no matter what you do, it will not affect only you! It will affect everyone around you...Talk about God REALLY speaking to me...so now I am thinking how awesome He is!! I mean, he took the time to Show me...a person who should already know... that He cares for me...Tom's message on Sunday night was especially for me too... it made me realize that it was just the Devil tempting me and trying to get me to fail and no matter what, I can make it!!! So, I feel really honored....you know, people can tell you all your life that God cares for you, but when you realize it in ways like this, it means soo much!

The Lily of the Valley

I have wanted to post some of my scrapbook pages here and didn't have brain enough to figure out how to do it without a scanner...DUH!!! Take a picture of it!!!! So, that is what I done...and here is my recent layout...The picture is taken in the deep mountains of NC.

Contentment, Psalms 23

I actually found this journal entry that I wanted to post here...It is from my Bible Study Journal that I had back in 1992... Pretty cool to go back and read about it...

Friday Nov. 21st, 1992 9:43am

Psalms 23 is gradually becoming my favorite verse in the Bible after I heard Phil Kidd preach and a lady in NC at Sally's church speak on it...

The first verse: The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. That is being content with being a Christian, content with what you are. Not wanting anything else in the world or from another "bad shepherd" We shouldn't lust after Satan's playthings. but be satisfied and happy with who we are.

2nd Verse: He maketh me to lie down in green pastures... Jesus gives us food so that we CAN "lie down in peace. Sheep must be 1) not afraid of anything before they can lie down. 2) they must be content 3) they must trust thier Master. We must trust Jesus that he will take care of us when trouble comes.

...He leadeth me beside the still waters. Sheep are very timid creatures. They must have still waters to drink from though it must not be stale. We must be able to trust that our Shepherd will guide us where we belong.

The lady said it was a book written by a sheperd. I'm gonna try to find that book...
{I did find the book and it became one of my favorite...It is entitled "A Shepherd's Look at Psalms 23" It is pretty old...I think the Author is Phillip Kelley...very good book!}

It is Well...

This is my favorite story behind a hymn...This became one of my favorite songs after hearing the story...


The song had its beginnings in Chicago. Horatio G. Spafford was a successful attorney making his way in the rough-and-tumble world of a growing Chicago economy. He was a Christian who had no idea how soon his faith would be tested. In the late 1860's, tragedy struck Mr. Spafford with the death of his son. Then he was devastated by the great Chicago fire of 1871. He had invested heavily in real estate along the shores of Lake Michigan, and his holdings were wiped out by this disaster.

In 1873 Spafford was advised by doctors that his wife needed a change of location due to health problems. At the same time, he had become involved with the evangelistic work of Dwight L. Moody and his partner Ira Sankey. Moody was preaching in England, and Spafford decided to sail over the Atlantic with his family to be of assistance.

A last-minute business emergency arose, and Spafford was forced to send his wife and daughters ahead on schedule. His plan was to join them on another ocean crossing later. But on the fateful day of November 22nd, 1873, the ship his family had boarded was struck by an English ship and sank in 12 minutes. Mrs. Spafford survived, but all four daughters -- Tanetta, Maggie, Annie, and Bessie -- were among the 226 who drowned in the icy waters of the Atlantic. From Cardiff, Wales, his wife Anna sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.”

Who among us can imagine the grief that filled Horatio Spafford's soul when word of the disaster reached him? Perhaps even fewer of us can imagine what it was like for Spafford to board another ship to cross the swirling waters alone, knowing that he would pass right over the watery graves of his four daughters on the way to meet his grieving wife.

But on that ship, the light of faith illuminated the darkness of Spafford's life. Out of the depths of his despair arose the certainty that God was in control, and that he would see his daughters again.

As Spafford's ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired him to write the words to this beautiful hymn. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief may befall them on earth.

Philip P. Bliss was so impressed with Spafford's text that he very shortly afterward wrote the music for it. The hymn tune is named Villa du Havre after the ship on which Spafford's children perished. Ironically, Bliss himself died in a tragic train wreck shortly after writing this music. He survived the initial impact, but died when he went back into the flames in an unsuccessful attempt to rescue his wife. So this beloved song, which has helped so many, was born in unspeakable pain and grief.

For everyone who has lost a loved one, especially a child, there is no song that has brought more hope than the one Spafford penned while looking out over that endless ocean: “It is Well With My Soul.”

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
“It is well, it is well with my soul.”

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control:
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And has shed His own blood for my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Salvation...

I went to my prayer group the other night and coming to know God was mentioned...I realized that I didn't have my experience written down anywhere for anyone to read...not that it matters...just that when God does something for me, I like to tell it...and this was MaJOR!!! He saved me! With the evil person that I am, I couldn't even imagine what kind of person I would have been...if it had not happened at such an early age.
Ok, so I was 4 and a half years old... I don't remember the prayer I prayed, or even who preached that night at church...what I do remember is being very scared...
I can remember sitting on the front bench at church...beside a young lady. It was time for fellowship handshake...so since my feet didn't touch the floor, I was gonna have to "hop" down off the bench. I remember looking at the floor...and seeing fire...not really fire, but feeling like it was Hell I was jumping off into...I wouldn't get down. No one was paying attention to me. I was scared...I could not bring myself to jump down..cause I might go to hell...
So, I got the attention of a friend who was probably about 6 years old...told her to go get the pastor's wife...So when she did, I told her I felt like I was gonna go to hell...I don't think I told her about the fire...So, of course, with her there with me, I jumped down and went to the alter. I remember the people of the church gathering around me to pray. I could hear a man named Kenny telling me to get up, that I just had to get up and God would save me...I remember thinking while I was there that I wish he would just go away. Leave me alone to pray. I could hear Mom talking to me, but I don't remember what...I just knew she was behind me knelt down on my left side...Daddy was on my right side beside Mom...I think he was actually standing. Like I said, I don't remember what I prayed exactly, but I know I did...I also remember picturing the cross scene in my mind at the prompting of someone...Then, it was like there was no conscious decision to get up, I just got up...Just got right up...seemed like I had no reason to stay down. I knew God had saved me. I was crying and turned around to Mom...she was laughing...Now I know it was a happy laugh with some tears mixed in...but a 4 year olds mind can't hardly comprehend this...I thought she was laughing and making fun of me. I remember feeling mad at her. I just couldn't imagine why she would be laughing...but I let it pass...I was wanting to hug everyone else. I remember being happy all the way home, and even that night when I got home, I remember still being so happy on the inside.
I later learned that Mom had recorded the day that I got saved was May 25, 1978.
Well, this has been a good experience to sit and think about the details...Maybe you could share...

Obedience

I want to tell you about something that happened last Mondaynight...Something that was unexpected on my part but in a plan of God, obviously...
My SIL's ex SIL's house was in the process of burning up and since she was with me, we went by there to see the damage, etc. In the road stood the owners of the house. The lady was in her sock feet because she obviously didn't have time to grab her shoes. She was walking around in the water they had sprayed on her house...My first thought was to give her my shoes. I really just brushed it off but again the thought hit me...she needs shoes....you have shoes..give her yours...
I looked around at all the neighbors standing around and all the people who would see me take my shoes to her and felt embarrassed...I did hear someone say something about flip flops...In my mind, I am like, "what??? flip flops??? is that all we can get her????" So without thinking too much harder, I walked up the little hill where they were talking to the Red Cross about a room to stay for the night...I kindly stood there until I was acknowledged and asked her what size shoe she wore...she stated 8 1/2 . My shoes were 9's...I immediately took them off and gave them to her...of course she refused..but it was something I was supposed to do. She hugged me and I left... barefooted...feeling foolish...foolish, not because I had given her my shoes, but foolish because I didn't want anyone to think I was doing it for show. She didn't immediately put the shoes on, so of course I am thinking...well, she doesn't want my sweaty shoes...but later, right before we left, I saw her go behind a vehicle, pull off her wet sox and put on the shoes...
Our car was a little distance from the fire, so we had to walk down a road to get to our car...
Morgan was still in the hospital at this time so here I am going in the hospital barefooted...drove home and do you know...I expected my feet to be black..I mean, I had walked on two different pavements and I really did expect my feet to be dirty...not that it was an issue...you know, just an observation...Well....I just thought it was sooo neat how my feet were hardly dirty at all...No one would have never known my feet had been walking on a paved road...I felt honored by God, to just have clean feet...

I know, kinda weird, but it meant something to me.