Psalms 61;2b

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Smarty pants...

Morgan takes after her Mommy...and as much as I hate to say it, her Daddy...LOL
She comes home today from school telling me that her teacher tells her her STAR score...which is the Accelerated reading program that they participate in beginning in Kindergarten. They read and take tests moving up by grade levels in reading...Morgan's score as of the beginning of 4th Grade...was the highest in the class...7.7!!!!!! I was soooo proud!!!!! I asked her if her teacher told her what that means...she says "yeah, that is almost an 8th grade level..."
I am just soo proud...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


I got to have my Daddy all to myself!!!!! It was just a selfish wish, but I longed for the times I could again sit and talk to my Dad like old times when I was at home...With all his depression, and his house building and other things, I rarely get to have more than a small talk conversation with has probably been over 3 years since I have actually had a long conversation with him...maybe even longer, cause when you have Mom and the kids and my brothers and Tom around, I have to share him...Tonight, Tom had asked Daddy to preach at the church as he had meetings till late in the evening and wouldn't be able to attend... Just so happen, Mom had to go to the Nursing home to help with the care of an elderly lady...So Dad decides to ride with me to church. Of course the kids were with us, but we just talked about everything and just chit chatted and I just loved it!!!!!!!!!!!
I have always been a Daddy's girl but as you get older with husbands and kids, you just don't get to sit and be the center of his attention... ( I tend to want to be the center of everyone's world at times LOL) Daddy always seemed to understand me more than Mom...One reason was because Dad was smart and wise, whereas Mom has never held a public job cause she has never had to work...I sometimes get mad at Tom cause I feel he should take the place of my Dad in that he should "know everything". No matter what as a child or adolescent I asked my Dad, he always knew and could give me a good answer...Looking back and being a parent myself now, I realize he could have been bullcrapping about it all!! LOL I can ask Tom something and he doesn't know, then I get frustrated and tell him that Daddies know something about everything and he at least needs to give me some type of answer...Tom also can't help a lady like Daddy... If I am crossing ice or needing help in any way, Daddy had the strongest arm...could just keep his arm steady as a rock...Tom isn't that way and I fuss at him to "help me like Daddy does".
I guess the old saying is woman can take the place of your Mom, but it is also true that no Man can take the place of your Dad!!!
I thank God for letting me see Dad as the strong, normal man once more...Almost 6 months ago, I thought I would never see him as normal again...Tonight he was so normal, it was wonderful!!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Feeling guilty... is good just to be sitting in my old familiar chair...Today and yesterday at work were very overwhelming in more ways than just work... Busy, Busy week! I sit here tonight worn out because I decided to go out into the yard and rake just so I can be outside and alone... Then Tom wants to take a ride on the 4 wheeler so that interrupts my quite time in the yard...But after getting the kids in the bed, I am now just "conked" out here at the computer... Sitting here makes me feel guilty...I should be up cleaning or doing something productive! Why do I feel like that? Well...When I was outside raking, I was thinking of what the kids were doing and I should be in here with them just being here for I felt guilty about that...Then Tom says I never pay any attention to him, so I feel guilty about that....I left a desk full of charts and things to do at work so I feel guilty about that...I went to see Melba at the nursing home and realized that I hadn't got her a tape recorder yet to listen to the tapes from church so felt guilty about that...
I screamed at the kids this morning cause they were seemingly moving too slow for me...and then I felt guilty all day...and I am sure there are a dozen more things...Okay...i have talked myself right out of sitting here and enjoying myself... I will not ask myself that question again...

Lukas had thrown a fit yesterday to go to the nursing home and Tom gave in to him and this morning, Morgan was voicing how she wanted to go to the nursing home and Lukas leaned up from the back seat and said..."If you cry alot, Dad will take you"! I was freaked out and laughing all at the same time! That little boy has Tom wrapped right around his finger!!!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Dear Morgan...

Dear Morgan..I have just kissed you and Lukas goodnight and said the prayers with you...I just wanted to say how proud I am of you and the girl you have are no longer a "little girl" and I realize this more and more everyday. At the lunch table today, we had a quite intelligent conversation and as we talked about various things, I just looked at you and almost cried...When did you grow up? You asked me today about buying the book by Judy Blume "Are you there God, It's me Margaret" and I didn't know what to say, cause I remember reading this book many times in my preteen years and thought Mom would kill me if she caught me reading this, cause it talked about growing breast, and other puberty matters and how these girls and her friends deal with it... Very good book, but am I ready to let you read any Judy Blume as all her books are like this.
I don't know how your Daddy feels about you growing up or even if he has realized it...i did tell him about you mentioning the "cute" boy in your class and how he likes you too...I threatened you with your life if you liked any boys...jokingly of course..but talk about a shocker!!! You have never mentioned any boys in school as even being close to cute.!!!!!! Daddy swore he would break his and your neck!! LOL What will I do with you in a couple more years?????
You are spending more time around me instead of him and wanting to have "girl times and girl talks..." Our personalities are awefully close and I just hope I can be the mother I should be, the Mom you want me to be and the example God would have me to be. I love you so very much.
Love, Mom

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Friday, August 19, 2005

Today's ramblings

Man, it is peaceful here right now... Tom is still at work, kids are in the bed...I love it!!!! Something really weird about me is that as much as I like people and to be around them, I LOVE quite time alone with just me and my thoughts.

I can hear the crickets and frogs outside my window...the ocean waves coming from the kids sound machine...a slight hum of the heat pump...even an occasional dog bark in the distance...
You gotta love it...

Had a wonderful day because I got to interact with the geriatric population today in thier homes...rode along with the doctor...It makes you appreciate nursing very go into thier homes not knowing what to expect when you enter...We go once a month and sometimes they are great and sometimes they are worse. When the doc catches something that probably wouldn't have been caught had you not visited, it makes you realize that you were supposed to have entered thier house today....cause I am sure in the course of someone's prayers they have asked God to protect thier loved ones...and he is using us to answer thier prayers...Wow...what an awesome duty...

I always leave feeling good because you have actually helped them mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically and medically....but I also feel that hole in my stomach again...I want to do so much more...I want to take a warm cloth and wash the morning sleep out of thier eyes....I want to comb thier hair...I want to clean the house...I want to take all the burdens off of them so they don't have anything to worry about...

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I've figured it all out...

Tom helped me tonight after me chewing on him because I didn't get the job I wanted...
To put in in plain English,(cause I know that last post was VERY confusing...)
I want to be the best, I think I am the best, but in reality, I am not the best at all!!!!!!!

He says I compare my success to him, I can't handle stress, I can't handle patient family problems, I am too loud and I am not a good employee...; I guess that is putting it bluntly...Thanks Tom...i can always count on you to put it plain to me....

I got upset at him when he cracked a not so nice joke...Saying maybe HE should apply for the job... He is just a man working in a woman's world is the way I see it...

Well, I did ask God to have his will in the situation...It is hard to accept when it is dissapointing...
i'm quitting now before I start rambling...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Confidence vs Over -Confidence

What is confidence?? The dictionary describes it as below...
a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances
b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
CONFIDENCE stresses faith in oneself and one's powers without any suggestion of conceit or arrogance .
ASSURANCE carries a stronger implication of certainty and may suggest arrogance or lack of objectivity in assessing one's own powers .
Now can you have too much confidence??
What is my status here?
With me taking an active part in the family reunions, I probably am too confident....Seeing that both branches of my family tree have alot of confidence, stubborness, and self assurance. No one I meet or work with or see on a daily basis would describe me as under confident.
Does this mean I am a bad person? I think you can have too much and I have that problem...unfortunately, the Mullins genes and the Richards genes run thick.
For most people this would be a good thing...but then when something comes up, and everything is not going right, then everyone thinks I should handle it in stride with no pain, no hurt, no heartache, etc. I have no doubt even sitting here tonight that I can do whatever I put my mind to. That is NOT a good thing...cause nobody else can see or believe that...
I am rambling, I know, I am just depressed... Didn;t get a job I applied for and thought I could do an awesome job at it, but....oh well, life goes on...especially for everyone else...and they think it should do on for me...It will...

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First day of walking in alone

Today was L's 2nd day of school...his first day of walking in alone.
After a busy morning and making Tom feel guilty for having no part in the school day, he decided/demanded that he would take the kids to school today.
What was I thinking????? I sit here tonight with a hole in the pit of my stomach...Lukas had to walk in alone and he didn't have me to be there for him.
I can imagine him looking back at me with his scared big eyes as he took his first few steps up the sidewalk ...I would have been bawling by this was Tom taking him today a good thing??? NO!!!! Did Tom say the prayer with them as I always do before dropping them off at school or daycare? Did he ask God to watch over them and keep his protecting hand on them?

What was Lukas thinking when he approached the big doors that led down the long, long hall to the gym? Was he scared? or was he excited? Were his palms sweaty? Was his backpack heavy? Did he have butterflies?
Did he walk fast, afraid he would miss his teacher when she came to get them? or did he go slow, dreading the noise (he hates noise) and all the bigger kids in the gym? What was he thinking walking down that long hallway? about me? about daddy? Did he look back for one last glimpse of daddy in his big purple truck? Did he wish sissy was with him, holding his hand? Did he think about God and how Mommy always said in her prayer that Jesus could be like a mommy to him when I wasn't there? Could he hear the soft flutter of the angel wings as they floated slightly above him, protecting him from the dangers of the world?
Was the teacher there when he got there or did he know where to sit?
I sit here tonight and cry...cry for my kindergardner...cry for my little boy....cry for me...
I wanted to be there as he took his first long walk down that hallway...

20+ things I Dont Like

Might as well go ahead and post my list for this also...

  1. Mud!
  2. Passing gas
  3. mornings
  4. feet
  5. smoke
  6. olives
  7. dirty fingernails
  8. bad breath
  9. mosquito bites
  10. washing dishes
  11. stepping in dog poop!
  12. chapped lips
  13. dieting
  14. changing dirty diapers
  15. mucous
  16. being sick
  17. migraine headaches
  18. chipped nail polish
  19. flies in the vehicle
  20. crumbs in my bed
  21. wet dogs
  22. nasty bathrooms
  23. black coffee

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

50+ things I Love

This list was actually started on Feb 10, I was adding a few things the other night, I kinda got depressed thinking that I couldn't even come up with 100 things in this life that I LOVE, then I remembered how I only wanted to put the most special things on this list...These are not necessarily in order...

  1. Morgan's hair after I first wash and dry it
  2. Chocolate
  3. Ocean/saltwater smell
  4. Lukas' giggle
  5. Tom's dimple ( I will never let him know I said this....)
  6. Being a Mom
  7. scrapbooking
  8. clean fresh sheets
  9. music of almost any kind
  10. fresh cut grass
  11. crisp fall morning
  12. hot chocolate chip cookies
  13. snow!!!!
  14. a good joke
  15. laughing hard
  16. flirting....(I did NOT just type this!!!! I am not a flirt, just friendly!!!)
  17. journaling
  18. a four course meal
  19. sunshine
  20. flower gardens
  21. vacations
  22. playing the piano
  23. singing in harmony
  24. my hair (on good hair daysLOL)
  25. afternoon nap
  26. baby smell
  27. teaching (about anything/whatever)
  28. memories of my mamaw
  30. taking pictures
  31. the beginning of spring
  32. Italian food
  33. cold drinking water
  34. Tom's blue eyes (Don't tell him this either!!!!)
  35. Christmas trees
  36. being hugged by Morgan
  37. Lukas' dimple that matches Tom's
  38. making my kids laugh
  39. hot buttered biscuits...(how many food items has made it to this list...???
  40. Church chior singing
  41. hearing the national anthem
  42. a mad bull
  43. Morgan's blue eyes
  44. Nursing
  45. Swimming
  46. Waterfalls
  47. Morgan's sense of humor
  48. Tom's muscles.....(don't laugh)
  49. Geriatric patients
  50. Bible Study
  51. a Coca-Cola from a glass bottle
  52. floating on the lake at dusk on the boat
  53. sleeping while driving...(or should I say riding?? LOL)

My FIRST!!!!!

Ok, this is my first blog attempt although I have considered it for several months...and after I "lied" and said I had a blog started, I thought I would just go ahead and give it a shot...
(they knew I was lying...)
so here I am! I have alot of things I want to "blog" about but no time. Too much going on in my life to actually enjoy anything... I have alot of ideas running thru my head right now; this could get interesting for you...and who knows, you may not think I am as crazy as you thought I was!!!!Doubtful!

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