I have never found it easy to go to church on Sunday to the place were Tom pastored...I see the spot where he sat and miss him so bad...not as a husband, but as a pastor...There are songs that the choir sings that brings back so many memories and I really had a tough time yesterday handling it...The choir was full, you could feel God in the building and I knew that if Tom were there, it would be a service where he was so pleased/blessed... We started singing the first song in the choir and I broke down..just couldn't sing...just missed my pastor so bad...In his seat was another preacher who is filling in for the church...and of course he was totally enjoying the singing...it was so hard...that should have been Tom...
Morgan told me the same thing...that it was hard for her, because when we sing "How Great Thou Art" that she could remember Tom standing up and worshipping while we sang....
On my way to work this morning, I just questioned God...God, am I supposed to move on? or hang on?? What is the path that my life is supposed to take? I am just so ...I don't know...I just don't know... As I lay in bed last night, on my side of the bed, I realized it had been almost 6 months....6 months that I feel I am just existing...I am getting better at existing...I am dealing with it better...but I could really not believe that it has been almost 6 months since I have laid beside him in 0ur bed...6 months since I have lived...6 months of being alone...feeling sooo lonely...can I even hang on? I sometimes do wish that if I were to die, it would be a better route to take...I hate living without him in my world. 49 days till he will be free of me forever... I know, some people feel that I should be over this...but you all have to realize that Tom was my life...I have loved him since he was 12 years old. He was my strong hold...he was defense tower...he was my rock...he kept me sane...I always told him I would never make it without him..that I couldnt live without him...and here I am ...and it's been 6 months...
Ok, I know you all are tired of hearing about it...just a hard day..had to get some emotions out...
4 comments:
I wish I could take the pain away for you! I'm sending you big hugs and keeping you in my prayers!! Love ya!
Sherry anyone who is worth your friendship will never get tired of you expressing your feelings. Of course you shouldn't be over him, six months is no time, you have every right for every feeling you express and I hope you continue to do so. Let all your feelings out it will be good for your soul.I personally will never get tired of you expressing your hurt and I pray that God will ease your pain and Toms too because I know that he can't be happy either. I love you very much lady and I'm glad that I can call you my friend.
Sherry....I think it is hard for alot of people....I have learn alot from your situation....I have learn to appreciate Bo more.....I was taking him forgranted....I will be praying for you and the kids...It has to be hard coming to church....Just keep holding...God is still in control even though we don't understand...All of us....We love you and Tom,both...Stand strong for you children...I Love You, Love Cindy
God’s ways are not always understood, Isaiah 55:9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” , BUT… Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that his ways can be trusted, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
I find it comforting to know that when we are the weakest, that is when God is the strongest in our lives. 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Sherry, I agree with what someone else said, I never get tired of reading your blog… this is a good outlet to express yourself and to let other know and have a better way to support you and pray for you. I am definitely praying for you, Tom, and the kids. I can’t begin to know how you are feeling, but I pray that God continues to strengthen you! Love ya!
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