Psalms 61;2b

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Kristi, my friend and her journey

My heart is heavy. My spirit is low...but hers is not. I just got finished reading about her journey. The path that she has to go down in not in her choosing, but obviously God saw that she could handle this and encourage others. She just had both her breasts removed because of cancer and she is cheerful and is to be admired for her attitude toward this awful disease. I cry everytime I read her blog about her journey. I cry because this awful disease is so close to home. Kristi is younger than me. Is that what affects me most?? No, I don't think so. Kristi is such a better Christian than me. Why did it have to be her? Kristi has 3 small kids. Is is right to ask God why? I am sure she has asked many times. Some people think it is not right to question God, but many men and women question God in the Bible. David being one that comes to mind. He asked God why he had left him, he asked God if he had forsaken him, he asked God many questions. God knows that sometimes things like this will cause us to question. What I see is the answer. In Krisit's attitude. I know that I couldn't do as well as she has. That is why I cry. Not because I am sad for her, but because I am encouraged by her. Yes, my Grandmother Vivian had cancer and my Grandfather Burton died of cancer. But they were old. You know, you kinda expect something like that when you get old. Not young. Not younger than me.I think about her every day many times, although I haven't talked to her. It seems like she don't need to hear from me, because I will get her down. I will cry. I will dampen her spirits. I will make her cry. I don't want to do this. I have posted on her blog several times, but I can't just read her blog anywhere. I have to be at home in the privacy of my scrapbook room, cause I know how I will feel from it. Someone may say this is not fair to her. I know. I feel greedy. Greedy because she needs support and I am unable to give it to her. She needs encouragement and I am unable to do nothing but cry. I feel very bad every time I read her blog. Bad because I should be the one to encourage both her and her sister, who is my best friend. Her sister is a nurse. Is that why this has affected me so much? Because I know way too much about this deadly monster? Is her sister having as hard of time as me? I hope not. I just really feel like a very useless friend right now and it is all because I can't deal with things like this very well. Kristi, please forgive me, I love you. You are such a trooper. Your children will rise up and call you blessed. Happy Mother's Day.

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