God is so Good..

He has carried me thru the weekend. I have had a really good weekend with my children. They are so precious and I thank God everyday for them. They really amaze me and I can't believe I have got such good children..I surely don't deserve them...but here's what happened.
They both had to teach Sunday School for youth Sunday. As I already told you about Lukas' lesson, Morgan sat on the bed on Sunday morning and told me her lesson. She was gonna teach on the Armour of God. She had two thoughts. The first one was that the amour was tailor made for her...and my amour was tailor made for me...and she said "God knows where we are most vulnerable at and he makes our amour stronger in that area"....That was awesome!!!! I really was beaming with pride...then her second thought was about the shield of faith...she was gonna give a quote of Martin Luther King Jr...it says Faith is taking the first step even when you cannot see the entire staircase...
Then she had another thought about the sword...it is the Word of God, right...well she was talking about how you used a sword and how in order to win a battle, you had to become familiar with it...and it takes practice to use it and keep your skills sharp...
Wow, what thoughts, right??? I was so impressed...
So how did it go? Well, they said Lukas got up in front of the men class and was looking everyone in the eye...not dropping his gaze and said..."how many of you like chocolate" and none of the men raised thier hand..and he said..."hmmph." He then later told me his thought was..."well, old men don't like chocolate, I did figure that out!!!" ROFLOL!!!!
Morgan was amazed at what all worked into her lesson..she said that she couldn't believe all the stuff she was able to say...I told her that was God filling her mouth and that was the way Preachers were dependant on God to tell them what to say...

So today at 3:30, I will be signing "the papers"...I dread it...I know some of you may say I am stupid, but this was not the plan I had for my life at all....but if God is letting it happen, then it is his plan...I have prayed all day and last night for him to have mercy on Tom and even me.... I am afraid of the wrath of God, but I couldn't stand it if something happened to him... I took a picture of my wedding band and ring...just so I would have a picture of it...of course all kinds of things go thru your head...memories, mostly....like when he asked me to marry him...like when we were married and he first put my band on my hand...he did live with me till death do us part...cause I feel as if my heart is actually dead today.
God, please hold your arms around me to keep me from crumbling...I am broken, but if I fall apart, we might not be able to find all the pieces.

Luke's message

The children found out that they had to teach a sunday school class for youth sunday. Lukas has to teach the men's class and Morgan has to teach the ladies...so of course this panics them and they start immediately telling me about it when we get into the van after church Sunday night.
In the midst of that conversation, Morgan wants to share what she and Hunter "found" in the Bible while they were looking for a verse to put on the bullitin board in thier room. So she gets her Bible and starts to read from Matthew...about Divorce... Matthew chapter 5;32...But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
I really wanted to laugh...I don't know why...but I did tell her that I had not been perfect in my marriage to her Father and that God had forgiven me...What Tom does is up to him...then we got into the conversation of a "willful sin" and how there is no sacrifice for that and usually if you sin willfully, you will be punished by God. So...Lukas says..."Mom, it's kinda like if the devil and sin were a sugary sweet chocolatey piece of candy and on the other side you have a healthy 4 course meal that is God...9 times out of 10, you are gonna choose the piece of candy..."
Me and Morgan just looked at each other in awe...I mean, WOW...what an analogy!!! Morgan proceeded to tell him how this would be a great lesson for the men's class....so he sat there and thought a bit...then he said, well, my teacher told me a story in 2nd grade...there was this boy who loved chocolate...he wished for everything that he put in his mouth to turn to chocolate...now this wasn't good since he had a habit of chewing on things....after his wish came true he had an important test to take in school...while he was taking the test, he stuck his pencil in his mouth and it turned to chocolate...this became a big burden for him and soon he was loosing friends and everything.
Now, I did quote him the verse that says there is pleasure in sin for a season and last night I had to show him where it was in the bible... now, if you think of sin like this, there is a really good lesson in this...we want the worldy stuff, we want the good things...but then if becomes a bother to us...and then it ruins our life....Lukas totally got this...it was so awesome to see the thoughts just running thru his head...he was just talking a mile a minute about it...then he wanted to call and tell his daddy...
Another quick note....The janitor at school is a preacher and a Godly man...he met the kids the other day and hung around to talk to them a few minutes. He came back in my office the next day and said, "I saw something special in that boy of yours..." I don't know what it was, but he teared up and said, "I would be very careful...I wouldn't do anything to ruin his walk with God" (He does know the situation in my life right now...)
well, I feel like I am just jabbering...

kid quote...

I had a 1st grader come into my office..now it is not unusual for him to come in my office complaining and he usually does it about 2-3 times a week...but he is the cutest, little boy, I always humor him...he is very mischievous and gets into trouble frequently, but I just love him....so today, in he walks...
"Ms. Sherry...when I came in from outside, it hurt right here" (pointing to jaw)
"Oh no, sweetie, what happened" (I didn't see anything wrong...)
"Well, it feels like my brain is falling apart right here" (once again pointing to jaw)
Of course I take a penlight and look inside his mouth to make sure his brain wasn't falling out...
and it wasn't, sure enough...

But it was all I could do to keep a straight face...

I dread..

I really dread Valentine's Day...I need to spend it with my single girlfriends, right?? Tom and I never did anything special, but for a couple years in our early marriage, we always went and rented a cabin alone...but I need to keep the memories at bay, right??!!! For all my married friends, please remind your spouse how much you love him and how much he means to you. If you are not feeling it, then pray that God gives it back to you. I promise no matter what you are feeling today or tomorrow, you do not want it to dictate the rest of your life!!! I know many times in my marriage, I felt I could do without Tom; I felt like I would be better off without him...I didn't want to hug or didn't want to kiss him...and I would have to pray for God to help me...I had to pray for him to restore the love feelings...If you are married, it is because God put you together. YOUR VOWS WERE NOT MEANT TO BE BROKEN!!!! Don't let the devil have them or help break them. I have heard of numerous couples just in the past 2 weeks that have split up, or getting divorced...I mean, the devil is truly on a rampage...if he can get your home, then the children are easier to get...If he can get your children, he can probably get you to give up...Support one another, pray harder than you have ever prayed for your marriage...even if things are going well...cause you never know what tomorrow holds...I have said it here before that since Tom was a Pastor/Minister, I really thought that my marriage would never be destroyed...but little did I know... My Dad always said... it takes just one pinprick of sin and after awhile, it turns into a sore that destroys everything. I truly don't want anyone else in this world to go thru what I have went thru and if I can say anything to help anyone, I want to...I am praying for your marriage...whoever may be reading this, I am praying God protect your marriage.

Eye of the Storm

I am really trying to seek the will of God in all my endeavors...I think that Tom and I are going thru this for a reason...I don't know what it is but I do know that I can say that God has revealed so much to me...and really... I don't feel totally molded yet...I think there is much more for me to learn. My life is not gonna get any better yet...I feel like I am meant to learn this lesson and until I do, I am gonna endure. It is almost like I am in the eye of the storm.
For two days, I have been able to use my experience to help someone who is contemplating going thru divorce...and to be honest, you really can't empathize with someone unless you have went thru the same thing...Is this God's calling for me? What am I supposed to be doing with my life? What is left for me to learn....I have prayed for about 2 weeks now, Lord, show me what you want me to learn...so for now, I am just keeping my eyes and ears open...waiting on the Lord.

Vote for my kids please..

I need everyone to go to this site and put in a comment the number of your vote...my kids picture is # 28..you can vote once per day...

http://mohawkmemoriesphotography.com/blog/?p=78#comment-379

If you cant get to it here, just go to this link http://www.mohawkmemoriesphotography.com/#
and click on enter blog...then go to contest for
Feb. and scroll all the way to the bottom and click on someone else's comment and it will have a blank comment form...thanks so much...and don't forget to do it every day...oh, and tell your buddies too..LOL
I have enough friends that I should be able to win this thing!!!!!

Thanks!!!

Hugs...

Ok, So I am PMS-ing...yes, things ALWAYS seem twenty times worse during that time...I am always soooo lonely during that time...I always cry more during that time...BUT...I think this time I have only cried twice...;) I am doing better!!! I cried from hurt at a family member who made me feel really uncomfortable about this whole situation...then last night, I saw a husband on TV hug his wife while celebrating a victory and it made me cry...I mean, do you know how long that it has been since I have had a hug...not just any hug...but a hug from a man..not just any man, but a full, both arms around me, taking me securely in his arms and hold me close type hug...I never realized how important a hug was...I really am amazed at the importance of a hug...I need to write a story in Chicken Soup for the Soul....ROFLOL!!!! no, seriously, I knew I always felt safe in Tom's arms, but I didn't really realize how much. I didn't realize that that was truly my "safe place". Ok, enough about hugs...LOL

Lukas is in trouble...

I grounded him...he called me at work to ask me where a ruler was that he needed for Math...I instructed him to go ahead and finish the rest of his homework, but he didn't...when I got home he had 28 math problems that weren't hard, but still, he should have gotten it done!!!! So, I grounded him...No phone, no Wii, no TV, no computer...till Friday. Oh, bless his heart, now I want to pet him...LOL I'll leave that up to you all!

Still Angry...obviously...

I feel that I am over my anger...My anguish is dissipated. At least I thought it had...till I was sitting at the lunch table today with a bunch of teachers and looked over and saw one of thier very pretty wedding set...and I got Angry! Angry that I don't have husband and she does...Angry that I don't have a set on my finger. Angry that her dreams are being fulfilled...Angry that if she can keep her man, then why can't I?
I really didn't realize there was so much anger still there...but it is...just below the surface...just waiting to jump out at the most unexpected times.

The youth trip..

The youth at our church took a field trip..they went to the Haven of Mercy to serve the homeless and then present a program for them. It was a real touching site. For a long time I have had this desire to go on a mission trip...well, every since I worked in Morristown and saw really what a need there is for missions and how great we got it here in America...but anyway, back on track...at this homeless shelter, there was approx 60+ men, with about 5-6 women and at least 2 children that I saw there to get food for supper. They had pot roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, something else I can't remember...but then at another table, they had a salad, bread and dessert pastries. Thanks to the local grocers, (Food Lion, Panera and Atlanta Bread) they had donated thier old bread to the shelter which I thought was real nice...It was explained to me that when they got to much bread, or it all wasn't eaten, they do give out loaves, bagels, etc. to the men who don't live in the shelter to take home...if it is not all distributed, they take it to the local farm shelter, where men are living and farming for food and they eat it or if it is too old, they give to the hogs for food...Pretty cool, huh... but once again, back on topic...LOL There were men of all ages...I think maybe the youngest looked about 16 or 17 and the oldest look well into his 70's. Some men looked rough, others looked like they weren't afraid of hard work. Some looked like they needed compassion. Just a hug I think would have made thier day. I saw some very sad countenances that night...but they ate very heartily...
After dinner was cleaned up, most of the men sat down anticipating the program. Usually, since the ministry is Christian-based, the men who stay at the shelter have to attend church services there every evening...so our youth performed a song/verse performance called "Journey of Praise". It really had an awesome affect on each man there and this is not just speculation. They received standing ovations and approx 50% of the men were actually worshiping along with them. It was truly awesome!!!! One man stood up and asked for them to come back soon. This man was the one who had recently stomped out and didn't want to come to any type church service...God truly worked thru those children that night and even the children got a blessing. It was a awesome experience...

What in the world am I supposed to learn...?

I told Lukas the story of Job last night...how his end was greater the first...how he got back double(or more?? my mind is blank...) of what he had to begin with... how that God let him go thru the trial and it made him stronger...I think the story was more for me than him...LOL...Tom actually said that maybe it was the judgment of God on me....but I don't feel that way. I feel like I am just getting stronger. I am gonna come out victorious....in the end...at one point, I really thought I was gonna quit....quit what? quit trusting in God...quit living....just give up...I even considered checking myself into a mental hospital...I really thought I was loosing it...but God has really answered someone's prayers, cause I am so much more mentally stable...I really feel like this all will end one day and I will be okay till it does...
But anyway, I did go out on the porch the other night and looked up at the sky and said...."God, whatever it is I am supposed to learn, I hope I hurry up and learn it..."

• The refridgerator is leaking in front of it...and no one can figure out where it is coming from...my floor just keeps getting wet...
• I was eating supper the other day and looked down at the bottom of my island in my kitchen and noted the board was wet....??? We can't figure out where this water is coming from, since it is nowhere near the refridge...
• Mom called me at work yest and said, Sherry, all under your bathroom sink is soaking wet, but I can't figure out where it is coming from....
  
• My heater on the van is stuck on Defrost and the back heater will only work if I am accelerating
  
• My bathroom heater tore up....
• My curling iron tore up...

All this happened within a week....ARG!!!! So What in the world am I supposed to learn...?

It is done...

Well, according to Tom, it is done...I have to review the papers and agree with the conditions...whether I sign or not, in 90 days, I will be a person I have never been...divorced. But I am still waiting on God to intervene...Some says this may be God's will...I don't think so, and my reasoning is that God doesn't put a family together and then agree for it to be torn apart...My God is bigger than that...God has shown me numerous things and verses and songs to help me get thru this day by day...so I know he is here with me...I dreamed about Tom last night...just that he was kissing me...what is really funny is that I ususally dream alot...and this is maybe only the first or second time I have dreamed of him...
What counts right now is that I am handling this ok...

Lukasism..

I have another Lukasism...He just totally amazes me at the comments he comes up with!!!!
So I had a migraine headache last week. I am lying in my bed in silent and it is about 8:45pm...I put kids to bed at 9pm every night...so he comes stomping in my room and walks up beside my bed and says..."I'M PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!" What??? he then proceeds to say..."I'm putting my foot down, I am not going to bed anymore at 9 o'clock! I am gonna go to bed when I feel like it! I am the man of the house now and I am gonna choose to go to bed at 11pm tonight...."
Despite my headache, I had to laugh....I mean, really, where does he come up with this stuff!

My first Wedding...

I am by no means a wedding photographer...I just like to have people as my puppets...LOL...I like to pose them, and catch the smile... I actually thought I was getting better at catching emotions...but maybe it is because I am so "down" and shooting it was hard...really....but anyway, the couple was great and looked gorgeous...so here are a few...
critique welcome!!!!!

When will the fight start???

I do not want to fight...my heart can't take it. I don't know God's plan, although I know he is with me and helping me. This weekend was actually 4 months that I have been without my love.
I go see the lawyer on Friday Morning at 7:30. I don't even like lawyers...I had one lie to me one time about a patient that I was caring for...so I know...it is just one of my pet peeves...but it is something that I have to do, obviously...but the thought this morning and last night is that God comes just on time...I don't know when that will be...I don't know how far this will get...I don't know what my future holds, so until then, I will continue trudging along...going thru the motions...if it takes fighting, then I guess that is what I have to do...but like I asked my Mom last night..."How would you feel if you had to take everything away from the man you love?" I mean, I can't imagine how in this world I will make it thru this...
Each night when I start to sleep, I pick up my Bible and before I randomly open it, I ask God for what I need...Last night, it was simply a prayer of "God, I need something...just anything to remind me that you are here with me..." I opened up my Bible, randomly and it came to Hebrews Chapter 11...the Faith chapter as I call it...now, in my crazy mind, the devil popped up and said, "Now, there can't be anything in this chapter that will help you. You know it is just about the Faith Warriors..." But in spite of that, I started to read...."Now Faith is the Substance of things hoped for...the evidence of things not seen..."
And it, of course smacked me right in the forehead...God was telling me to have Faith...to keep up the fight...to not give up... and I cont reading.... at verse 6, I had always heard the first part...actually the whole verse, but never had focused on the last part...it says..."He is the rewarder of them that diligently seek him"...Wow..so if I have to fight, there will be a reward, if I have to go thru with this, I will be ok...


Now, tomorrow, when I post that I can't take it another step, God will have to be here to help me again....Isn't it amazing how God gives you just what you need when you need it...and it only last till he gives you something else....?

Something I have never done before...

I sit at my desk for some time today just staring at the screen...on the screen, there is a phone number that I need to call...I need to call a lawyer and make an appointment...I just can't bring myself to do it...I just can't dial that number...I never usually have stomach trouble, but my stomach is hurting and so upset, I could barely keep lunch down...
so...I ended up calling...ended up with an appointment Friday at 7:30am...ugh! what a way to start a day. It was the hardest thing I have ever done...

At the Bottom...

I don't feel I can take anymore...I am at the bottom.
I am tired of people saying I should move on...this man is the father of my children...
I have been in love with him for at least 20 years...
Yes, to the public I may seem strong...I don't like to show emotion...just part of my stubborness...
but I am at my breaking point.
I do not want to move on!!!
I am not complete when Tom is not around...for 15 years, if I was somewhere and he was not, I felt empty...till he walked in the room. Then I was complete. If I was expecting him, I wasn't at peace till he go there. I am part of him and whether he likes it or not, he is part of me. We are one...how can people say to move on????
I keep thinking I am gonna wake up from this bad dream. I keep thinking it will be over tomorrow...that this will end...
I keep thinking that the pain is gonna go away...but if someone looses a spouse to death, it is insane to ask them to get over that spouse in 4 months. Most people feel numb for the first 6 months at least with a death...so why do so many people think I am supposed to just get over it???????
There are even some people wanting me to date so and so...I mean, really, would you ask a woman to date someone who has lost her spouse to death 4 months ago???
I know, I know, it is people who haven't went thru this pain...you can't imagine how lonely I feel. Yes, I have friends and family on every hand, but it is not the same.
My life has stopped for the past 4 months. I haven't accomplished anything. I am like a robot moving just because I have to. I feel depression setting in..I really just want to stay in my bedroom with the door closed and talk to no one or see no one...and I know, as a nurse, what all to do to help myself, but I don't want to do anything.
Not only am I hurting, but I have to sit and watch my kids hurt...I have to watch them miss him.

Don't feel sorry for me....I can't stand pity...just have some respect for me and my feelings!!!!!

I am doing better mentally...yes, I haven't posted in a month...I just can't blog when I am so torn up...KWIM??! I have prayed and prayed and God has truly helped me get over alot of my anger and bitterness...It is amazing really...I won't go into details now, but I do want to say that I listened to Higher Ground's preacher and he had a message that was from Jeremiah 31;27...I am the Lord your God...is there anything too hard for Me....Awesome verse and it gave me alot of strength...more later, gotta run...

Heaviness...

The weight of its presence causes shoulders to stoop, eyes to darken...I think the bible talks about the spirit of heaviness... Proverbs 20-12:25 Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.
You know how funny it is when you are in a situation and you are always trying to analyze...always trying to fix whatever is wrong...I have got to stop...I have to let God have control...Morgan has told me several times that I need to let God take control...I am such an evil person...I have so much bitterness and anger pent up within me that I can't be my normal self...no wonder he don't love me...who would??? Not me!!!! I have got to journal or something to get rid of all this...and I have got to pray!!! If God has forgiven me, then I HAVE to forgive him...
Matthew-6:14&15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Is it possible that I am barking up the wrong tree...?Can it be that we are not meant to be? He told me once again this morning that it was over...that I needed to get over him....that as soon as he had the money, he was going to see his lawyer....that he was happier than he had ever been...said he was now questioning if he had EVER loved me or not...
So now, of course I am questioning my whole marriage...was he never happy?? Did I make him that miserable...? Am I that hard to live with?? And he expects me to get over this?? Just like that I am supposed to move on??? I know I have been a horrible Christian, but can God please give me some consolation...I am almost to my breaking point...I mean mentally...Last night after this, I was on the verge of getting in my car, driving till forever...never contacting anyone...but my kids kept me here....then I thought of taking hundreds of pills to just get rid of this feeling I am continually feeling in my chest...I really need God...I need some comfort..I need something...!!!!! Can God hear me? I know this has gotten totally off base, but I have got to have some relief...I could type things here that would blow minds...but that is useless...I know what it is...he said that after Christmas he was getting a divorce...and the closer Christmas comes, the more sicker I get...I can't go thru that!!!!!! I can't! What am I missing..what should I be doing??? I can't stand it...Thanksgiving has been so hard...I love the holidays...and to know that I will have to go thru one of my favorite holidays without the love of my life...well, I just can't! My kids are so affected... but he don't know...he doesn't know that Lukas is becoming a mommy's boy more and more...he wants me touching him all the time....he wants to wrestle more and more with other men...cause I guess he is not getting much man attention at home...God, is this my punishment??? If it is, just let me know and I will try to handle it...I need so much help...God is the only one who can fix this situation....fix me...Maybe I need to move on...maybe I am praying the wrong prayer...maybe my children are supposed to be raised by me without a father in the house...maybe I am not worthy to have happiness...of course I have satan sitting on my shoulder telling me that everything I have done for God is useless...was to no avail...I know I am a sorry person...I am just getting what I deserve...

Thankful..

The things I am thankful for are totally different this year...I am thankful for many things but here are a few...

• That I have two children...cause I have to be strong for them and without them, I would be in a mental ward somewhere...
• That I still have emotions to feel anger and hurt and sadness...that means I haven't went totally out of my mind yet
• That my children still have a relationship with their father
• That my home has seen love...lots of it...at least that is what I thought...
• That I am alive, although most of the time I feel dead on the inside
• That God is still in control...although I have a hard time letting Him take control
• That my secrets are revealed only to God and he has forgiven me and understands me like no one else
• That my pride is not as powerful over me as I thought it was...
• That I still have to hold my head up, no matter what I think people think of me...
• That I have a church to go to that helps me carry my burden

Me and him...

This is a casual picture of me and him at the Fun Fest 08 in Kpt, TN. I really thought everything was perfect...or did I? I don't think I focused enough on my relationship...just took it for granted that we would always be together...

I miss this man soo much!!!!!

Had a bad day yesterday...just lonely...you know what I mean...I told someone it is like half of me is disconnected from my body. There is not 15 minutes that go by that he is not in my mind...hard day!!! This is one of my favorite pictures of him that I took a while back...he doesn't have his beard here...

Photo opportunity...Neighborhood Churches

This church is about 1 1/2 miles from my house. It sets up on the hill in the old Persia Community. Tom has preached here one time.

Photo opportunity...Neighborhood Churches

This is a church that is defunct...is that the correct word? LOL In other words, it is closed down. I am not even sure what the name of it is...

Photo opportunity...Neighborhood Churches

This is a church that sits about 3 miles from me in another direction. It is called Dodson Creek United Methodist Church. I really wasn't trying to get it to look spooky, but I did like the grungy affect here...

Photo opportunity...Neighborhood Churches

This is a church about 3 miles from my house...It is called Hugh's Memorial Primitive Baptist Church. It is actually pastored by my first cousin's husband. Tom has preached here before and has also held revival here. It just looked to pretty sitting in the trees in the fall, I couldn't resist a picture session.

Word for the day: Forgiveness

So I am at home the other night thinking of a recent heated conversation between me and Tom. I realize that I am so full of ANGER at him, that I can barely even speak civil to him. I realized that I needed to find forgiveness in my heart. For what? Because I am so mad at him for leaving, mad at him for giving up, mad at him for everything... So, I am praying as of last night for God to help me find forgiveness in my heart for him. There is no way that anything is going to change unless my anger is dissipated and forgiveness takes place...Of course I turn to the Bible to find out what I should do...the first thing I decide to look up says to "forgive as Christ forgave you"...well, that hit a raw note...I mean, I really do feel that God has forgiven me for my mistakes. I have even forgiven myself. But what if Christ had not have forgiven me??? And here I am not forgiving Tom...But yes, that is easier said than done, so I am gonna pray about it because I know that coming to the realization of something is the first step in correcting the problem. I was looking thru my sermon journal that I keep in my Bible and came across a sermon preached at the church by E. McAmis and he had made a statement about forgiveness...When Christ forgives you, it is as if a chalkboard is wiped clean. So, in other words, I felt like I have to treat and feel towards Tom as if he has/ we have a clean slate. Gosh, that will be hard, and I won't be able to do it on my own!!!!

The Shack...

This is what I am currently reading...go check it out...everything I have heard about it is good, so I am on the second chapter...The Book is called The Shack...go read it...or borrow mine when I get done!!! LOL Notice I have lots more time to read since I don't have Tom around...kinda keeps me busy...gotta stay occupied. Gotta keep my mind occupied...

Fireproof

Click here to see a movie trailer...or go to the site...

The Arts

This is the second book in the series that I have just finished reading. They are good, but not so good that I can't put it down, know what I mean... so if you want to read a book that you can put down, just a casual read, this series is good. I do think it is good for teenagers, (which is the target audience) since it does deal with the fact of parents and teens...
The other Art I experienced this weekend was the movies...Before Tom moved out, I had asked him to go see a movie with me. It was called Fireproof and it was made by the same church who produced "Facing the Giants".
It is one of my favorite movies, and now the new movie, Fireproof, is again a very good movie that I think every married person should see. No, for those of you who want to know, it did nothing for Tom. LOL
So, go see Fireproof, or rent it as soon as it comes out...it is worth it.

Book I am reading...

I have just finished the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and it is a pretty good book.
It did keep my attention, so I have started on the second in the series called The Second Summer of the Sisterhood... here is a link to go read about the characters and decide if you want to read it... Anyway, that's what I am doing these days...

"Strive to enter in"

I went to church at our church last night, even though Tom is no longer Pastor there, he was working, so me and the kids went...Morgan said when she got in the car, "how wonderful it was to see everyone!" Lukas agreed and it made me glad I went. There is so much love there. But anyway, I felt like the sermon was just for me. He preached on "Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13;24 " He had alot of good thoughts and the one that stuck out most is an illustration by John Bunyan and I can't find it online, but it was about the "narrow road" and how there wasn't enough room on it for me and my sins...also how much an Olympian strives to get his body prepared to win the gold and how hard this is...I do not strive near as hard as I should in my christian walk with God. Another statement he made was "This is not a passive religion" If there is not some kind of movement, feeling, striving, pressing then do we have what it takes? Anyway, I was blessed....Thanks to God. The crowd was really good last night and this made me feel good to see people still coming, not just for Tom. The verse keeps coming to me that He places all members in the body as he sees fit (But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. ICor 12;18) and I can see how God has definitly placed people in certain positions, even if it is just to pray or sing in chior and we have to trust that God knows what he is doing...we have to trust that He is in control and knows where he wants us. Please continue to pray for us...me, Tom and kids...nothing is any better, we just need prayer.

Loftin, my great nephew

I have pictures of the cute little man!!!! He is gorgeous!!! And looks just like Sierra! He is the cutest little thing!!! He is getting big enough to sit up and smile at you when you talk to him! Of course I love to take pictures of babies, so here they are!

My Fall Field Trip...

I did go on a field trip the other day with the 4th and 5th graders...It was to a Civil War re-enactment...Beautiful day and I saw this photo op and decided to shoot. I thought it was pretty...kinda made me wish I was a maiden about to be swept off my feet....trouble is, it would probably take all these horses to do it!!!! HA!!!!!

Lukas Super Bowl

Last night the Cowboys fell to the Vikings...got a few cool pictures....I was afraid Lukas would be disappointed that they lost, but he told me on the way home..."I'm not too sad that we lost..." I said, well, good and explained to him how that was being nice and that he had won the Super Bowl last year and that it was nice of him to give others a chance...(being the nice little mommy that I am!!! LOL) The last picture is his spot on the banner...with his little bitty signature, like his daddy....

Doing better today...

I seem to be doing better today emotionally...thanks for your prayers, but please don't stop, I need them so bad, still...Love you all!
Last night my verse that I opened the Bible to said...And the God of peace will bruise Satan under your feet shortly...(Romans 16;20) I think it is just so encouraging to know that I can just pop open my bible and ask him for something to help me and this is the type of things I get...Wonderful, Merciful Saviour

CroptoberFest/Scrapbooking weekend

My scrapping weekend! How great it was to go and get some stress relief...I feel so much better and able to deal a little better. Is that bad? I hope not! This was my ninth year!!! I can't believer that it has been that long...I have created some great friendships and in some ways, I can be more myself with them, cause I don't have any expectations to live up to...does that make sense? There are 4 other ladies there that are named Sherry...I will tell you that story later, when I have my camera to post the picture. I got 15 pages done, I think...I also found a machine I MUST have...and since it cost way too much money I guess I will have to just dream about one and one day maybe I can get it...when my rich uncle gets out of the poor house...LOL
Croptoberfest is at a baptist youth camp, named as Camp BaYoCa, hence the first two letters of baptist youth camp...and it is in the mountains of Wears Valley...no phone service...no phone period in the area where we stay...we stay in bunkhouses that have 8 bunks in each side...bathroom with two showers and stalls... then we scrap in the dining hall...we just basically leave our stuff out all weekend and scrap as we want to all weekend...we borry other tools and ideas from everyone else...demos from other people are cool too...
so anyway, here are some pictures of layouts I done at the fest... the first one is a two page spread of Jaida on this last Easter... it was still kinda nippy, hence the jacket...

God's Will...

I am not in the best shape this morning, but I am functioning...Thank God...
Tom resigned from the church yesterday. He was feeling so much pressure from "life" he almost could not handle just breathing....I don't know what God's will is, but rest assured it will be for the best...remember, all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. He did say he felt relieved...Tom has alot of other decisions to make that are gonna affect me and his family in the coming months, please pray again for God's will. I have talked to him till I'm blue in the face, but the problem is that it is hard to lie to God...and when you want something totally different from God's will, it is very hard to accept...Tom doesn't even want to pray for the right thing to do, because he knows what is right and that God may send him in the "right direction". I told him last night I was gonna pray the "wrath of God" down on him...LOL.
I am not saying I know God's will, but there are some things and ways that you just know is not God's will...he kept saying "what if" last night...I said, Tom, that is just the devil telling you that, because God would not approve that!" So, please just pray....He has agreed to make a final decision by the first of the year. This will be a very trying time for me and I will need all the prayers you care to give me!Oh, and I don't want to forget the kids...Morgan and Lukas had a really hard time, Lukas more than Morgan...he cried for most of the day yesterday and his little eyes were still red this morning....broke my heart..Please pray for them...Morgan is more like Tom and keeps her feelings in and Lukas is more like me and has a softer heart....Kinda weird...I wouldn't have thought that I had a soft heart. I don't think I do, it is just that I can only take so much and then I do break down...
So as of now, I am no longer a Pastor's Wife...

I can't make it...

I am at my wits end...I don't feel I can make it another step. I have stood all I can take...I am gonna have to give up... I am hanging on by a thread...It is starting to break...What am I gonna do? I am crying out to God, and feel that He is there, but I need strength to hang on...I need help, so bad...not just me, but the ones involved...I again asked God to let me read something last night that would help me...and he said "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." Galatians 6:9. So, yes, God is here... He is helping me...But why is the devil fighting so much??? I truly would like to know the future in cases like this...so I would know if I am gonna have to give up anyway. Is it even worth fighting for? I am a nervous wreck. I am sick constantly. I know my face shows worry signs all the time...I need to give up..for my saneness...
I have fell in a pit of quick sand and can't get out. I think I am near the top, then I loose my grip and sink back in. I can't pull out...I can't make it any longer. Please, God, help me. Please...

God Speaks...

It is Sat night, well actually Sun Morning and I really need to go to bed, but I am still just amazed at several things that happen in my life... Today, I did go see Jason Crabb at Dollywood. He did an awesome job and a really funny thing, was that he performed bare footed..said he didn't have time to get his socks and boots on when he heard his introduction... It was the first time I had ever saw him in person, I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't totally thrilled either. I do think he "performed", but in all fairness, that is what he was there to do. But overall, I was totally pleased that I got to see him...and really enjoyed the 45 minute concert. But anyway, wanted to say that he did sing several songs that I felt was for me. Jason also said, "Blessings do not depend on the opinions of people" Well, for some reason, this really stuck out to me too... After all I am going thru, God was speaking to me thru those songs and testimony...and then to top it off, I ran into one of my friends down there and shared a little with her about life's troubles and she said, "Well, isn't it funny how that God can get us humble, sometimes"...This totally caught my attention. I have had a peace in the last day that I can't explain...no, the problems are not gone, but several things have come my way that I just feel like is God speaking to me, giving me reassurance that He is still in control. I have picked up the Bible several nights and just opened it, praying for something to be there to help me, and do you know what the verse was the first night? Our problems are under His feet. Wow! What a consolation...that has helped me thru this week. The next night, was a scripture about, and I can't quote it, but it was saying how that God's mercy was upon a person. Right now, I need God's mercy so bad...

Sneak Peak at Mohawk Memories Photography

http://blog.mohawkmemoriesphotography.com/?p=160#comment-81

Here is the link to 2 more sneak peaks of Morgan and Lukas..she did a great job!!! I am so thrilled and want to work 90 hours a week so I can buy them all!! LOL
Anyway, go check them out!

Mi Amigos

Here is a picture of the girls I used to trabajas (work) with at the clinici in Morristown. I miss these gals and all thier culture lessons.. Lupe, Ana, me and Judi

Photo shoot by Mohawk Memories

A lady at school was having a "photo party" and I went and took the kids...you got a 20 minute session with all the different poses you want.... she is on her way to posting more, but go check out this link and scroll down to Morgan and Lukas...

http://blog.mohawkmemoriesphotography.com/?paged=2
I really thought it brought out thier fun personalities...and Lukas' dimple is shining...too cute!
I hope I am not in the mood to spend money when I see the final proofs... She is working on more tonight and will have more of us posted later, I will send a link...

This week...

Monday, Morgan had volleyball practice till 5pm, Lukas had to be at football field at 4:45pm...Morgan then had a birthday party to go to at the park at 6pm...She ended up walking with a bunch of her friends to the park...Lukas won his ballgame by 2 points. It was a really good second half. He played the Vikings. They are a real challenge this year. I tried to mow some with the push mower when I got home. Accomplished a little, then it was too dark to see.
Tuesday, Morgan had a hormonal breakdown early in the morning...mostly because I had told her that her duffel bag was not to be used as a book bag and the strap came loose as she was going up the steps to catch the bus...well, this was icing on the cake, because she had already gotten up with only 30 minutes to get ready for the bus. Tom had told me last night that he couldn't take the kids this morning, so I went up and set her clock for 5:30 and her phone for 6:00...still she didn't get up.
So after having a screamin fit, saying "Why does my life have to be this way??? I can't handle it" I just told her to come back inside and I motioned for the bus to go on. (then all day I worried about Lukas, since he was on the bus expecting the driver to wait on her) But, I left Morgan with Mom and Jaida and she had a day to rest. Lukas had practice this afternoon and Morgan actually went to sleep in the car while I studied my Intro to Psychology.
Wednesday, Tom called and said he was working the floor at the nursing home and if would be great if I could come in and work from 4pm-7pm...Morgan has practice this afternoon, so I picked up Lukas from school and this is what I done...got the Pal's on the way home to eat, since it was almost 8pm.
Thursday, I am so tired and I go straight home after having a bad day...chest pressure-wise, worried, and I get Morgan's fuzzy blanket and lay on my bed and doze off to sleep...Lukas comes home in about 10 minutes, but he doesn't wake me, although I hear him come in....then I wake up at 4:20 to take him to football practice. Morgan is gone to her game on the bus with the school. It was too far away and she isn't playing much on varsity anyway, so I didn't go.
At football practice, I can't go back to sleep in the car, so I read..I am reading Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks so I read some...Tom comes, which ends up not being a good idea at all. I go to the nursing home to take Lukas to see Tom since he has to work graveyard, which will make him working 24 hours, I go get him something to eat and decide to just work a little since I have to wait in town for Morgan to get back from her game...(they won) come home and can't sleep because of chest pressure and caffiene!!! Talk to Tom on the phone for a little while, then I toss and turn all night..
Friday, plan on going to the Cherokee Ballgame tonight since it is homecoming and the kids are saying all thier friends will be there...
Saturday, plan on going to Dollywood since Jason Crabb will be there in concert....

Word for the day

CHANGE

"to become different in some particular way, without permanently losing one's self or its former characteristics or essence."

I usually like change... I hate change...so what are my thougths on change? Change happens and for the most part, I can handle new situations. But lately, new situations are NOT what I need. I do not need change. I need stability. I need the comfort that comes from stability. The definition above is correct, but this time, I think I have lost myself. I think I am not changing very well this time. I am at fault for it all. I am the one who grabbed change by the horns and took it. I do not like change. Sometimes, change is for the better, not this time. I don't think I need to change. Things were fine the way they were. well, not really, but it wasn't change. It was the same. What made me think I wanted change? I am changed, forever, and I will never be the same. I never want change again. I want the same. I want to be assured that things are the same...forever... CHANGE..right now, I hate it.

Back to School Test...

I forgot to mention that I took my COMPASS test for admittance into Walters State Comm. College to at least start working on my RN. I will most definitely have to have some kind of financial assistance, but I am praying this will all work out... so how did I do? I ended up having to take two remedial math classes, (Alg 1 and Alg 2) which is not surprising to me...cause I can't do that stuff, so I need taught! I did pass the English, Reading and Writing part... YA!!!!
I cannot register until the spring session, so that will be in Jan. 09...so in the meantime, I am gonna try to CLEP out of several tests...right now I am working on Intro to Psychology. Will keep you posted!

Cifford, the Big Red Dog

Guess who this is???!!! Guess who had a blast???

Scattergories

Using the first letter of my first name to complete the category...harder than it looks
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Sherry

BOY NAME: Samuel

GIRL NAME: Samantha

OCCUPATION: School Nurse

A COLOR: salmon

SOMETHING YOU WEAR: scrubs

FOOD: sour krout

SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: soap

REASON FOR BEING LATE: slothful

SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: shut up

SOMEPLACE TO TRAVEL TO: Spain

My first CPR episode.

First, let me say, it definitely was an experience! I had heard people talk of what happens in CPR, heck, I even am a CPR instructor. I teach the class...and, I have seen it done in the ER with a healthy man on a stiff ER table....but nothing had prepared me for the experience I had last evening. Pressing on the chest of an old, debilitated body was nothing like compressing on the "Annie" dummy. So, here's the story..
I am at work, I hear someone yell, "Call it, Call the code" When I noted that it was my patient, I took off to the room...Another nurse had beat me there, and she immediately started CPR. As I stood and attempted to ask the resident if he was okay, I hear his ribs cracking....I expected that, but really didn't expect to "hear" them. She compressed about 4 times, and stepped away to reach the ambu bag...I start in compressing... I totally expected the bones to be already broken and no more to break...Unfortunately, I was wrong...Each time I compressed, I felt the bones crack and break, numerous times underneath the pressure. It was literally like I was crushing the person's bones into a million pieces!!!! I know, this is harsh, but after about 4 compressions, the other nurse was back and said, Sherry, do you want me to relieve you? I say, "yes, please...I have never done this before..!" I didn't have time to think of the feelings I was having, as I continued the ambu bag, and other things waiting on the EMS. When they arrived, they hooked him up to the defibrillator...I thought, oh my gosh, am I gonna be able to watch this?? Am I gonna be able to watch as his body comes off the bed???? When they say all clear, I am thinking, okay, do I look or turn away?? What do I do??? Fortunatly, they had some sort of rhythmn so I didn't have to see that... But I will tell you a funny part...they asked for a suction machine... so I ran out the door to get them one from our crash cart...came back in, wasn't in the room for no more than 1 minute and they asked for a different tip for the suction...so, I ran back out to get it, was looking up the hallway, grabbed for the drawer to pull it open, and already had my body in a backward motion when I realized that the cart had been moved... so down I went, right on my butt in the middle of the hallway....It was totally hilarious!!!

Sitting, Relaxing with my Ipod

Last night, Tom was at work...he had to work till about 10:30....I was stressed...just because things weren't in my control...(imagine that!!!?) (BTW, Tom always says I have a problem going to plan B, but that is a whole other story) Anyway, the kids had went on to bed...Morgan went at 7:30 and Lukas went to bed at 8:00pm...they were totally worn out...I could clean house...nope, too stressed...I could make up bed...nope, gonna sleep in it soon...I could watch TV... nope, nothing on that interests me...So, I grab my Ipod and slip out the door...It is about 70 degrees outside so I plug in my ipod and lean back in the chair and listen...and look at the sky... saw millions on millions of stars..the sky was black with white dots...beautiful!!!! I saw several planes go by and wondered who was on them..how many people were in the sky above my head...where were they going? What were they thinking...
Listened to music...some praise and worship music...looked at the creation and what God had created...
Needless to say, I wasn't stressed anymore...who cares if I am not in control of things...I don't need to let it bother me!!!!!

Defense...

Lukas got a call from his coach the other night after practice...but he was already in the bed, so I took the message...He made me proud...Coach said that Lukas had done a great job during tackling drills today and that he was showing improvement over last year (he played tight end) and that more than likely he had earned him a place on defense...
now, I asked Tom what this meant, cause even though I know quite a bit about football, I wondered how this ranked....obviously, your defense is a good "side" to be on...I mean, you are stopping the other team, right....? Anyway, made Momma proud!

The Little Lover...

I think of the little rascals and can see Alfalfa saying "I'm a lover, not a fighter" when I think about Lukas and his actions this past weekend...
First off, you should know that he spends more time in front of the mirror than Morgan does... his clothes has to be "stylin" and he takes great pride in how he looks in the mornings...so...with that said, at the football game Friday night, he and Tom went to the Cherokee ballgame... he let Lukas go a couple of risers down to sit with friends. The next thing you know, Lukas has one girl sitting at his side and ONE ON HIS LAP!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!??? Tom says he just kept watching them....but never said anything to him...
He says he is dating a girl at school also. I noted on his homework that he had a little booklet that asked about what he liked most about school. He put "all my friends, and that I am dating one of them."
Then, last night, we were talking about his day and he is speaking of the girl that was sitting on his lap and he says, "every time I looked at her, she was just smiling this little smile...she was cracking me up."
The boy acts just like his DADDY!!!!!!!

School Started...

Well, back to the old routine....it consists of...

Finally getting back in a routine
Early alarm clocks (four goes off in our house each morning)
Football practice
Volleyball practice
Lukas shower each night
Morgan shower each morning
Cook supper or not???
Homework
Sign Homework folders
Get snacks for the day each morning
Spelling words
Math facts
State Capitals
Lunch money
Read AR books!
New friends, old faces
New schedules
Tired all the time
Rushed weekends!

I AM A GREAT AUNT!!!!

Great Aunts are supposed to be old! They are supposed to be very old...remembering the civil war or World War I....I mean, not a lot of people have great aunts...I think I did when I was little...I remember Aunt Sally on my Dad's side...I had a few others, but I only vaguely remember their names and sure don't remember what they look like! I have 2 great aunts still alive on my mother's side...but like I said, they are historic...well, anyway...
Sierra had her baby yesterday...she is fine and he is beautiful....his name is Lofton (SP?) Xavier Looney...what a pretty name...

Thoughts I want to share of other Pastors Wives...

" Being married to a Pastor has it’s challenges but it also has a multitude of blessings. It is a humbling thing to be married to a man of God who is called to shepherd the people of God. To come along side of him as his helpmeet, to encourage, to pray for, to lift him up in prayer and serve the Almighty God together. Although there are times of trial, being married to a Pastor has been one of the greatest blessings of my life."
This is exactly how I feel...she said it great!


"Pastors may feel prepared for the lifestyle, but, says one study, 84% of wives don't. "I had no clue how to be a pastor's wife," says Amy Andrews, 32, a mother of two in Rochester, N.Y. After nine years, "I still don't." (from a TIME mag article)

I thought I knew what it was like to be a Pastor's wife...I mean, I had lived all my life in a Pastor's home! What else could there be?? Well, I NEVER had an idea!!!! I mean, what really strikes me most is the Mother Hen feeling that me and Tom have toward the church...we don't want anyone to hurt them or destroy them. When God used the word 'Shepherd', it was totally true...cause I can't imagine how much more that Tom feels like this...

My B/P today...

Is 145/104...wow..really healthy there, Sherry! Don't fuss! I am starting on a new medication tonight! I know, I am a nurse and I should know better!!! Well, like I said, I am taking care of it! I do have a headache!!!

OMG, He really CARES about ME!!!

I have had a few very "away from God" weeks in the past month...thoughts running rapid thru my mind of evil things, people distracting me from the Christian way, and I had gotten pretty low....so low, in fact, that Tom even commented on my "God relationship". Well, as alot of you know, if Tom tells me something that I know is true,but don't want him to comment on, I am gonna either die trying to deny it or try to fix whatever is wrong...well, it just frustrates me in myself that Tom would say anything....Anyway, I had this problem, went to Bible study and asked for prayers...and obviously someone got ahold of God for me...On last Thurs night,I grabbed a devotional book beside my bed and started to read...it spoke of how if you continue to do something even when your conscience is telling you "No", that eventually it will quit bothering you...(well, I knew that, but you know how it is when you want to do something and try every way to justify) On Friday, I opened the Bible to read a scripture and Man, oh Man, did that hit home also!!!! I mean wow!!! Was this God talking or what??? So I started thinking on Sunday morning as I awoke, how good God was to care about me and even take the time to remind me of where I was wrong...well, then, as I got to Sunday School, we were late, of course, I walked in and the teacher was teaching once again, exactly on the scripture I read on Friday...His last statement really got me...no matter what you do, it will not affect only you! It will affect everyone around you...Talk about God REALLY speaking to me...so now I am thinking how awesome He is!! I mean, he took the time to Show me...a person who should already know... that He cares for me...Tom's message on Sunday night was especially for me too... it made me realize that it was just the Devil tempting me and trying to get me to fail and no matter what, I can make it!!! So, I feel really honored....you know, people can tell you all your life that God cares for you, but when you realize it in ways like this, it means soo much!

Old Woman at Hollister

This is sooo unimportant, but I thought it was weird...ok, so I am at the Mall at Hollister switching an item and they have two cash registers side by side...at the other register, beside me, there is this old woman who is at least 65 with a bottle of cologne...she has a receipt and claims that she purchased the cologne there yesterday and when she got it home, it was half used...the cashier confirmed that it had indeed been opened and scanned a new bottle...that is when it showed up on the screen that it was the wrong receipt...it wasn't even the same kind of cologne she had with her...now, go make up your own reasoning behind this...did she know that?? Had grandson set her up??? what exactly was her story???!!!!!

Doing my civic duty.../Donating blood

I actually went to the nursing home today and gave blood...first time I have ever gave blood...it seems that a nurse should have done this before, and I have wanted to for a long time, but it never was convenient...so, I figured that this time I would make time and just go....So I did...usually needles don't bother me and I was actually reading Lukas' T-cap grades and it did hurt, but I didn't look...I usually watch the stick...but didn't watch this time just because...so anyway, I did look down right before she took the needle out and it literally freaked me out!!!!! I think it was bigger than an 18 gauge!!! Does any of you medical people know what size needle is used??? I mean, this needle was bigger than a pencil lead!!!!! HUGE!!!! I am glad I didn't look before she stuck me or I would have passed out.

Pictures I have messed with

I am on a photography group and we have been doing a technique with our photos using Adobe Photoshop. So, I took these pictures on the Holston River where the lake joins the River and got these pictures...

My BAD PIRATE!!!!!

ARG!!! Just had to share this with you Tom fans...knowing how I like the "bad boy" types...(shame on that preacher's wife!!!) I just love this picture...look at his lips, if that ain't a snarl, I don't know what is!!! Does he EVER smile for pictures???

Leaving on a Jet Plane...

"Tom's Leaving on a Jet plane and don't know if he'll be back again..." LOL, I am singing that song to him...He is leaving tomorrow for Madison, WI to do his clinicals for RN...I am so proud of him. He is scared..I rarely see this side of him...actually kind of vunerable...but I told him to charm the sox off the instructors and he will do fine!!! He will be back on Monday...oooh, I will miss that man...

Scrapbook page in Mom's Album...

I am doing Mom an album for her family...it starts with pages with her parents on them...she actually cried when she saw those two pages...but anyway, that is another story...here is a page I done of the "ol homeplace" I really don't think anyone had ever taken a picture of it, cause when she saw just the picture, she said, "well, where's that at?" You just gotta know Mom... anyway, I thought it turned out really good...It is kinda hard to see that it says Home Sweet Home

Hee hee...after taking this picture, I noted my letters of Home were crooked...but I fixed that....

A trip to the American Flag

I took a trip with the Residents of the nursing home to the city park here in town. They routinely provide trips for them to get "out" and do fun things...and they need a nurse to go with them. So I was asked to go, much to my delight. Okay, for the setting...it was a breezy, very warm day and they were going to have a cookout at the park...there were approximately 10-15 residents that participated...so we were all sitting under the pavilion playing Bingo when John asked to be pushed around to "check out this place". So I agreed to push him. Now, about John Doe, he is from up North, a Veteran, and is soooo northern in his attitude, demeanor, dialect, and personality...I mean, you can't talk to him 2 minutes without realizing he is not from East TN. He is fairly oriented, but confused at times as to where his location is... in other words, he is oriented enough to go to the park without getting lost, but couldn't make it on a trip to Food City by himself....

So, here we go, up to the parking lot...I am pushing him in his wheelchair and he is a pretty good sized man...I am huffing and puffing!!!! Now, at the park, there are only a couple sidewalks...otherwise, it is grass...all grass...well, we get to the parking lot and I say "Where do you want to go?" He sees the sidewalk leading to the flag...I want to go up there....

Well, imagine that!!! That is the sidewalk that leads up to the flag, which is on the HIGHEST point in the park!!! But, you know me, not to deny anyone in his condition anything, I take off...me pushing him...trying not to huff and puff in his ear as I am struggling to push him up the hill (needless to say, my legs were totally sore the next day!!!!!) So we arrive at the top of the hill, where the sidewalk ends..almost at the base of the huge American flag.

As we got to the top, he wanted me to stop. He wanted to salute the flag and he puts his wrinkled hand to his forehead and salutes. It is the most beautiful salute I have ever seen. He spoke these words. "Long may 'Ol Glory fly"

Wow!!!! How touching...so then we pause to look out over the view from the top of the hill...he sees the cemetery which he calls by a different name, thereby telling me that he don't know where he is...I almost laugh...but I don't correct him...let him believe he is where ever he wants to be!

Then he turns back to the flag...and he begins to speak...in a tone that sounds far off...not as if he is talking to me, but as if he is giving a speech to millions of American citizens...and there I stand, with the breeze blowing our hair, with the flag whipping in the wind, and listen.

"That is the best flag of all the nations...even the flags that have alot of colors like...(he pauses to think)....Argentina....they can be proud of their flag because it is so colorful, but even though ours has only three colors, it is still the best flag of all nations...Look at her...undisturbed except by the wind...see the ripples in it? See it waving? It is proud to be a flag. People wonder how this nation could stay together for so long without fighting...this nation was born in 1776...the birthday of a great nation-- we should always take time to honor July 4th as a great birthday. Let's see, the country is how old? 1776 to twenty 0 five..."I corrected him at this point, "twenty 0h eight" Bless his heart, he never did stop to figure how old...he just kept talking..."They placed that flag at the top of the hill so that all could see it. They put it up as the biggest flag in TN"...then he added "at that time" (Now, mind you, this is not a true fact...but how sweet for him to think so...) but I just let him keep rambling on...I wish I had a tape recorder so all could hear what he had to say about the flag...he then started talking To the flag....didn't hear all that he said, but his last words as he saluted were "Fly, Fly, Fly, 'Ol Glory, Fly" He took his hand down from his head and said I am ready to go...

Stunning...Absolutely beautiful...I am on the verge of tears....