After posting Peace from God

LOL, it is so funny...after I sat down and took the time to blog how good God was to me on Friday, by Saturday night, I was at my sis in law's house crying from stress overload!!! I knew it was satan. Honestly, he has put an all out attack against me and it is kinda funny, cause no matter what, I am not gonna quit...and basically, I don't have time to fight with the devil...lol
So anyway, you wanna hear something funny?? This is how bad it is...
I got pulled over for not stopping all the way at a 4 way stop...well, yes, I got a ticket...but also GOT MY LICENSE TAKEN AWAY!!!!!! yes, I am driving with no DL's! There was some kind of mix up from my tags when I got the car back in October...and I thought I had it all fixed...but obviously not, cause my license are revoked!!!
The two trees outside my house that are probably 100 years old are dead...I'm afraid the wind will blow and top of them will fall on house, or worse, someone! well, to get these huge trees cut down, it will be a pretty sum of money...
I go today to try to get my license back...after all is said and done...gonna cost me around 500$$$ (including the ticket for the stop sign)...yeah, satan, bring it on...LOL
oh yeah, and this aint even half the things I have been slammed with in the past week...I mean, it is really getting to the point that I am just laughing...wondering how much more the devil will throw on me...

My busy life

Just a quick update here on my blog, cause I haven't had a chance to post lately. I'm SOOO busy...I know I have said that over and over on here, but really, I function better like that!!! Keeps my mind off certain things...if you know what I mean!
But, I think I have almost bit off more than I can chew...but I'm not backing down...I decided at the end of last semester that I could handle 3 classes...FORgetting, that at the beginning of the last semester, I thought the same thing with 2 classes... :-)
So, I took 2 classes online and 1 class on campus, which has class 2 times per week.
needless to say, with church, church activities, both kids are in basketball, class 2 nights per week, working 5 days a week, mommy stuff (laundry, house, supper, etc) I am worn to a frazzle most of the time. I know there are friends who think I have abandoned them...LOL, I haven't...just don't have time! Do I plan on slowing down? No...not a chance!!!!!
So for my online classes, I'm taking English Comp and Computer Science...which usually have assignments due every day of the week. And on campus I'm taking my Algebra that I am so happy I am conquering!
I do have a dream. I hope that in about 4 years, I can look back and see that I have reached my goal. I want to be a FNP by 2013; or at least very close. That is if all goes as planned...but you know how that goes when you try to plan your life. I tried that once...that didn't work...so just gonna have a goal to work toward and we will see how it comes along. Hey, everyone has to have something to work toward,right???
Morgan and Lukas are great...they are such strong children...I have never been any prouder than I am of them at this point in their life. They pull their share at home, they are trusting in God, and I am just soooo proud of them. They are only seeing their father about once every 2 weeks at this point, and I think it is better this way...keeps them less upset...
Well, better run, got lots of homework to do!!

Prayer request...

Please pray for my children..they are having a very hard time...The devil is trying to get to Morgan in so many different ways...she is such a strong person and strong in her faith. On Sunday night, on the way home, she was crying and telling me about some thoughts she was having and God intervened with a phone call, even as we spoke...it was totally awesome....and to know that he cares for her that much....it was so precious.....
Lukas is all of a sudden having a valley too...not sure what is up with him, but there have been some disturbing actions on his part that have me concerned....but I know it is just the devil trying to get him to fall apart too...
Please just pray for me that I can be the Christian mother that I need to be..I fall short so many times...I really couldn't raise them right without God's help.

I knew it...

LOL, I said to several people that things in my life are sooo stressed...friend trials, family trials, church trials, and that doesn't count the normal everyday stressors that happen...but yeah, it happened...now there are job trials..and it doesn't mean these are bad, just that there are decisions to be made...something else to stress me out! Do people spontaneously combust at some point if there is too much stress on them? If you see a blob on the wall or sidewalk, it is probably me...and I am sure if you looked hard enough, you could see the devil with his telescope just laughing...enjoying himself...making my life miserable...God's Grace is sufficient...!!!

We often ask Why?? (Job ch 1-3)

I read the first 3 chapters of Job last night...I want to kinda explore Job deeper but I am notorious for starting things and never completing them...so anyway, I was reading last night and it has been on my mind strong ever since...
Job had no idea about the conversation that had went on between God and satan...he had no idea why...in chapter 3, he even regretted being born...and he had no idea why he was having all the hardships...that just kept coming in waves...
That is what I am feeling right now...waves and waves of confusion, difficulty, troubles, worries...in the past 7 months, my life has done basically a 180 degree turn...nothing is the same as it was...except my job..and I don't know how long that will be the same...you know those stressor scales? I'm off the charts...LOL
So, what if, there was a conversation that went on in Heaven that I am not aware of....?
God had so much faith that Job wouldn't turn his back on Him and that he would endure....!
WOW! What if....What if God knows I am strong enough to endure all these waves of trials and gave satan permission to try me...? Not that I am anywhere near perfect like Job was...I mean, God gave satan permission to do anything he wanted to him except take his life...and we all agree that satan knows our weaknesses as well as Jesus does...so he[satan] knows just what will get us to deny God...What if he [satan] is trying to see if we will deny God, or quit on God?
Then another thing stuck out to me...Job lost his family...10 kids all in one day...I cannot even begin to imagine how this affected him...and obviously they were a close family, according to scripture... If someone came to me and told me I had lost my possessions, I would have a hard time dealing...but to loose my children too?? I would definitly regret the day I was born and wish I were dead and maybe even follow thru with some ideations....esp since right now, I feel like my kids are all I have...so we don't really understand how Job felt...to loose everything all in one day...and look what he did...
Job 1:20-22
²⁰Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, ²¹And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. ²²In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

I have questioned God...I have said, How much longer do I have to go thru this? I have begged God over and over to take it from me...and Job did nothing but fell on the ground and worshipped...have I worshipped God over what is happening in my life right now? no, not really...I have thanked him for letting me see and come to the knowledge of so many things...but worshipped him? no...
I hope this makes you think as much as it has me...

Back to school...

Well, I have had spring break...not much of a break to me...I worked that entire time...but since I don't get paid at the school, I had to do something...LOL I worked graveyard alot and lost alot of sleep...I am so tired today...I think it will take me months to get caught up!!!! At one point in the week, I had had 11 hours sleep in the last 75 hours...the 11 hours were not together either...4 here and 5 there and 2 later..UGH!!!! I love my sleep too much to be missing so much...
I am not sure where my work future is leading...I think there is a job that has a $4 increase in pay that will be coming open soon....want God's will...the thought keeps coming to me that sometimes, it don't take a rocket scientist to figure out what to do when God sends something your way...Iam just praying...nothing definite yet...

What in the world am I supposed to learn...?

I told Lukas the story of Job last night...how his end was greater the first...how he got back double(or more?? my mind is blank...) of what he had to begin with... how that God let him go thru the trial and it made him stronger...I think the story was more for me than him...LOL...Tom actually said that maybe it was the judgment of God on me....but I don't feel that way. I feel like I am just getting stronger. I am gonna come out victorious....in the end...at one point, I really thought I was gonna quit....quit what? quit trusting in God...quit living....just give up...I even considered checking myself into a mental hospital...I really thought I was loosing it...but God has really answered someone's prayers, cause I am so much more mentally stable...I really feel like this all will end one day and I will be okay till it does...
But anyway, I did go out on the porch the other night and looked up at the sky and said...."God, whatever it is I am supposed to learn, I hope I hurry up and learn it..."

• The refridgerator is leaking in front of it...and no one can figure out where it is coming from...my floor just keeps getting wet...
• I was eating supper the other day and looked down at the bottom of my island in my kitchen and noted the board was wet....??? We can't figure out where this water is coming from, since it is nowhere near the refridge...
• Mom called me at work yest and said, Sherry, all under your bathroom sink is soaking wet, but I can't figure out where it is coming from....
  
• My heater on the van is stuck on Defrost and the back heater will only work if I am accelerating
  
• My bathroom heater tore up....
• My curling iron tore up...

All this happened within a week....ARG!!!! So What in the world am I supposed to learn...?

When will the fight start???

I do not want to fight...my heart can't take it. I don't know God's plan, although I know he is with me and helping me. This weekend was actually 4 months that I have been without my love.
I go see the lawyer on Friday Morning at 7:30. I don't even like lawyers...I had one lie to me one time about a patient that I was caring for...so I know...it is just one of my pet peeves...but it is something that I have to do, obviously...but the thought this morning and last night is that God comes just on time...I don't know when that will be...I don't know how far this will get...I don't know what my future holds, so until then, I will continue trudging along...going thru the motions...if it takes fighting, then I guess that is what I have to do...but like I asked my Mom last night..."How would you feel if you had to take everything away from the man you love?" I mean, I can't imagine how in this world I will make it thru this...
Each night when I start to sleep, I pick up my Bible and before I randomly open it, I ask God for what I need...Last night, it was simply a prayer of "God, I need something...just anything to remind me that you are here with me..." I opened up my Bible, randomly and it came to Hebrews Chapter 11...the Faith chapter as I call it...now, in my crazy mind, the devil popped up and said, "Now, there can't be anything in this chapter that will help you. You know it is just about the Faith Warriors..." But in spite of that, I started to read...."Now Faith is the Substance of things hoped for...the evidence of things not seen..."
And it, of course smacked me right in the forehead...God was telling me to have Faith...to keep up the fight...to not give up... and I cont reading.... at verse 6, I had always heard the first part...actually the whole verse, but never had focused on the last part...it says..."He is the rewarder of them that diligently seek him"...Wow..so if I have to fight, there will be a reward, if I have to go thru with this, I will be ok...


Now, tomorrow, when I post that I can't take it another step, God will have to be here to help me again....Isn't it amazing how God gives you just what you need when you need it...and it only last till he gives you something else....?

Something I have never done before...

I sit at my desk for some time today just staring at the screen...on the screen, there is a phone number that I need to call...I need to call a lawyer and make an appointment...I just can't bring myself to do it...I just can't dial that number...I never usually have stomach trouble, but my stomach is hurting and so upset, I could barely keep lunch down...
so...I ended up calling...ended up with an appointment Friday at 7:30am...ugh! what a way to start a day. It was the hardest thing I have ever done...

Doing better today...

I seem to be doing better today emotionally...thanks for your prayers, but please don't stop, I need them so bad, still...Love you all!
Last night my verse that I opened the Bible to said...And the God of peace will bruise Satan under your feet shortly...(Romans 16;20) I think it is just so encouraging to know that I can just pop open my bible and ask him for something to help me and this is the type of things I get...Wonderful, Merciful Saviour

God's Will...

I am not in the best shape this morning, but I am functioning...Thank God...
Tom resigned from the church yesterday. He was feeling so much pressure from "life" he almost could not handle just breathing....I don't know what God's will is, but rest assured it will be for the best...remember, all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. He did say he felt relieved...Tom has alot of other decisions to make that are gonna affect me and his family in the coming months, please pray again for God's will. I have talked to him till I'm blue in the face, but the problem is that it is hard to lie to God...and when you want something totally different from God's will, it is very hard to accept...Tom doesn't even want to pray for the right thing to do, because he knows what is right and that God may send him in the "right direction". I told him last night I was gonna pray the "wrath of God" down on him...LOL.
I am not saying I know God's will, but there are some things and ways that you just know is not God's will...he kept saying "what if" last night...I said, Tom, that is just the devil telling you that, because God would not approve that!" So, please just pray....He has agreed to make a final decision by the first of the year. This will be a very trying time for me and I will need all the prayers you care to give me!Oh, and I don't want to forget the kids...Morgan and Lukas had a really hard time, Lukas more than Morgan...he cried for most of the day yesterday and his little eyes were still red this morning....broke my heart..Please pray for them...Morgan is more like Tom and keeps her feelings in and Lukas is more like me and has a softer heart....Kinda weird...I wouldn't have thought that I had a soft heart. I don't think I do, it is just that I can only take so much and then I do break down...
So as of now, I am no longer a Pastor's Wife...

I can't make it...

I am at my wits end...I don't feel I can make it another step. I have stood all I can take...I am gonna have to give up... I am hanging on by a thread...It is starting to break...What am I gonna do? I am crying out to God, and feel that He is there, but I need strength to hang on...I need help, so bad...not just me, but the ones involved...I again asked God to let me read something last night that would help me...and he said "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." Galatians 6:9. So, yes, God is here... He is helping me...But why is the devil fighting so much??? I truly would like to know the future in cases like this...so I would know if I am gonna have to give up anyway. Is it even worth fighting for? I am a nervous wreck. I am sick constantly. I know my face shows worry signs all the time...I need to give up..for my saneness...
I have fell in a pit of quick sand and can't get out. I think I am near the top, then I loose my grip and sink back in. I can't pull out...I can't make it any longer. Please, God, help me. Please...

Sitting, Relaxing with my Ipod

Last night, Tom was at work...he had to work till about 10:30....I was stressed...just because things weren't in my control...(imagine that!!!?) (BTW, Tom always says I have a problem going to plan B, but that is a whole other story) Anyway, the kids had went on to bed...Morgan went at 7:30 and Lukas went to bed at 8:00pm...they were totally worn out...I could clean house...nope, too stressed...I could make up bed...nope, gonna sleep in it soon...I could watch TV... nope, nothing on that interests me...So, I grab my Ipod and slip out the door...It is about 70 degrees outside so I plug in my ipod and lean back in the chair and listen...and look at the sky... saw millions on millions of stars..the sky was black with white dots...beautiful!!!! I saw several planes go by and wondered who was on them..how many people were in the sky above my head...where were they going? What were they thinking...
Listened to music...some praise and worship music...looked at the creation and what God had created...
Needless to say, I wasn't stressed anymore...who cares if I am not in control of things...I don't need to let it bother me!!!!!