Book I am reading...

I have just finished the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and it is a pretty good book.
It did keep my attention, so I have started on the second in the series called The Second Summer of the Sisterhood... here is a link to go read about the characters and decide if you want to read it... Anyway, that's what I am doing these days...

"Strive to enter in"

I went to church at our church last night, even though Tom is no longer Pastor there, he was working, so me and the kids went...Morgan said when she got in the car, "how wonderful it was to see everyone!" Lukas agreed and it made me glad I went. There is so much love there. But anyway, I felt like the sermon was just for me. He preached on "Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Luke 13;24 " He had alot of good thoughts and the one that stuck out most is an illustration by John Bunyan and I can't find it online, but it was about the "narrow road" and how there wasn't enough room on it for me and my sins...also how much an Olympian strives to get his body prepared to win the gold and how hard this is...I do not strive near as hard as I should in my christian walk with God. Another statement he made was "This is not a passive religion" If there is not some kind of movement, feeling, striving, pressing then do we have what it takes? Anyway, I was blessed....Thanks to God. The crowd was really good last night and this made me feel good to see people still coming, not just for Tom. The verse keeps coming to me that He places all members in the body as he sees fit (But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. ICor 12;18) and I can see how God has definitly placed people in certain positions, even if it is just to pray or sing in chior and we have to trust that God knows what he is doing...we have to trust that He is in control and knows where he wants us. Please continue to pray for us...me, Tom and kids...nothing is any better, we just need prayer.

Loftin, my great nephew

I have pictures of the cute little man!!!! He is gorgeous!!! And looks just like Sierra! He is the cutest little thing!!! He is getting big enough to sit up and smile at you when you talk to him! Of course I love to take pictures of babies, so here they are!

My Fall Field Trip...

I did go on a field trip the other day with the 4th and 5th graders...It was to a Civil War re-enactment...Beautiful day and I saw this photo op and decided to shoot. I thought it was pretty...kinda made me wish I was a maiden about to be swept off my feet....trouble is, it would probably take all these horses to do it!!!! HA!!!!!

Lukas Super Bowl

Last night the Cowboys fell to the Vikings...got a few cool pictures....I was afraid Lukas would be disappointed that they lost, but he told me on the way home..."I'm not too sad that we lost..." I said, well, good and explained to him how that was being nice and that he had won the Super Bowl last year and that it was nice of him to give others a chance...(being the nice little mommy that I am!!! LOL) The last picture is his spot on the banner...with his little bitty signature, like his daddy....

Doing better today...

I seem to be doing better today emotionally...thanks for your prayers, but please don't stop, I need them so bad, still...Love you all!
Last night my verse that I opened the Bible to said...And the God of peace will bruise Satan under your feet shortly...(Romans 16;20) I think it is just so encouraging to know that I can just pop open my bible and ask him for something to help me and this is the type of things I get...Wonderful, Merciful Saviour

CroptoberFest/Scrapbooking weekend

My scrapping weekend! How great it was to go and get some stress relief...I feel so much better and able to deal a little better. Is that bad? I hope not! This was my ninth year!!! I can't believer that it has been that long...I have created some great friendships and in some ways, I can be more myself with them, cause I don't have any expectations to live up to...does that make sense? There are 4 other ladies there that are named Sherry...I will tell you that story later, when I have my camera to post the picture. I got 15 pages done, I think...I also found a machine I MUST have...and since it cost way too much money I guess I will have to just dream about one and one day maybe I can get it...when my rich uncle gets out of the poor house...LOL
Croptoberfest is at a baptist youth camp, named as Camp BaYoCa, hence the first two letters of baptist youth camp...and it is in the mountains of Wears Valley...no phone service...no phone period in the area where we stay...we stay in bunkhouses that have 8 bunks in each side...bathroom with two showers and stalls... then we scrap in the dining hall...we just basically leave our stuff out all weekend and scrap as we want to all weekend...we borry other tools and ideas from everyone else...demos from other people are cool too...
so anyway, here are some pictures of layouts I done at the fest... the first one is a two page spread of Jaida on this last Easter... it was still kinda nippy, hence the jacket...

God's Will...

I am not in the best shape this morning, but I am functioning...Thank God...
Tom resigned from the church yesterday. He was feeling so much pressure from "life" he almost could not handle just breathing....I don't know what God's will is, but rest assured it will be for the best...remember, all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. He did say he felt relieved...Tom has alot of other decisions to make that are gonna affect me and his family in the coming months, please pray again for God's will. I have talked to him till I'm blue in the face, but the problem is that it is hard to lie to God...and when you want something totally different from God's will, it is very hard to accept...Tom doesn't even want to pray for the right thing to do, because he knows what is right and that God may send him in the "right direction". I told him last night I was gonna pray the "wrath of God" down on him...LOL.
I am not saying I know God's will, but there are some things and ways that you just know is not God's will...he kept saying "what if" last night...I said, Tom, that is just the devil telling you that, because God would not approve that!" So, please just pray....He has agreed to make a final decision by the first of the year. This will be a very trying time for me and I will need all the prayers you care to give me!Oh, and I don't want to forget the kids...Morgan and Lukas had a really hard time, Lukas more than Morgan...he cried for most of the day yesterday and his little eyes were still red this morning....broke my heart..Please pray for them...Morgan is more like Tom and keeps her feelings in and Lukas is more like me and has a softer heart....Kinda weird...I wouldn't have thought that I had a soft heart. I don't think I do, it is just that I can only take so much and then I do break down...
So as of now, I am no longer a Pastor's Wife...

I can't make it...

I am at my wits end...I don't feel I can make it another step. I have stood all I can take...I am gonna have to give up... I am hanging on by a thread...It is starting to break...What am I gonna do? I am crying out to God, and feel that He is there, but I need strength to hang on...I need help, so bad...not just me, but the ones involved...I again asked God to let me read something last night that would help me...and he said "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." Galatians 6:9. So, yes, God is here... He is helping me...But why is the devil fighting so much??? I truly would like to know the future in cases like this...so I would know if I am gonna have to give up anyway. Is it even worth fighting for? I am a nervous wreck. I am sick constantly. I know my face shows worry signs all the time...I need to give up..for my saneness...
I have fell in a pit of quick sand and can't get out. I think I am near the top, then I loose my grip and sink back in. I can't pull out...I can't make it any longer. Please, God, help me. Please...

God Speaks...

It is Sat night, well actually Sun Morning and I really need to go to bed, but I am still just amazed at several things that happen in my life... Today, I did go see Jason Crabb at Dollywood. He did an awesome job and a really funny thing, was that he performed bare footed..said he didn't have time to get his socks and boots on when he heard his introduction... It was the first time I had ever saw him in person, I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't totally thrilled either. I do think he "performed", but in all fairness, that is what he was there to do. But overall, I was totally pleased that I got to see him...and really enjoyed the 45 minute concert. But anyway, wanted to say that he did sing several songs that I felt was for me. Jason also said, "Blessings do not depend on the opinions of people" Well, for some reason, this really stuck out to me too... After all I am going thru, God was speaking to me thru those songs and testimony...and then to top it off, I ran into one of my friends down there and shared a little with her about life's troubles and she said, "Well, isn't it funny how that God can get us humble, sometimes"...This totally caught my attention. I have had a peace in the last day that I can't explain...no, the problems are not gone, but several things have come my way that I just feel like is God speaking to me, giving me reassurance that He is still in control. I have picked up the Bible several nights and just opened it, praying for something to be there to help me, and do you know what the verse was the first night? Our problems are under His feet. Wow! What a consolation...that has helped me thru this week. The next night, was a scripture about, and I can't quote it, but it was saying how that God's mercy was upon a person. Right now, I need God's mercy so bad...

Sneak Peak at Mohawk Memories Photography

http://blog.mohawkmemoriesphotography.com/?p=160#comment-81

Here is the link to 2 more sneak peaks of Morgan and Lukas..she did a great job!!! I am so thrilled and want to work 90 hours a week so I can buy them all!! LOL
Anyway, go check them out!

Mi Amigos

Here is a picture of the girls I used to trabajas (work) with at the clinici in Morristown. I miss these gals and all thier culture lessons.. Lupe, Ana, me and Judi

Photo shoot by Mohawk Memories

A lady at school was having a "photo party" and I went and took the kids...you got a 20 minute session with all the different poses you want.... she is on her way to posting more, but go check out this link and scroll down to Morgan and Lukas...

http://blog.mohawkmemoriesphotography.com/?paged=2
I really thought it brought out thier fun personalities...and Lukas' dimple is shining...too cute!
I hope I am not in the mood to spend money when I see the final proofs... She is working on more tonight and will have more of us posted later, I will send a link...

This week...

Monday, Morgan had volleyball practice till 5pm, Lukas had to be at football field at 4:45pm...Morgan then had a birthday party to go to at the park at 6pm...She ended up walking with a bunch of her friends to the park...Lukas won his ballgame by 2 points. It was a really good second half. He played the Vikings. They are a real challenge this year. I tried to mow some with the push mower when I got home. Accomplished a little, then it was too dark to see.
Tuesday, Morgan had a hormonal breakdown early in the morning...mostly because I had told her that her duffel bag was not to be used as a book bag and the strap came loose as she was going up the steps to catch the bus...well, this was icing on the cake, because she had already gotten up with only 30 minutes to get ready for the bus. Tom had told me last night that he couldn't take the kids this morning, so I went up and set her clock for 5:30 and her phone for 6:00...still she didn't get up.
So after having a screamin fit, saying "Why does my life have to be this way??? I can't handle it" I just told her to come back inside and I motioned for the bus to go on. (then all day I worried about Lukas, since he was on the bus expecting the driver to wait on her) But, I left Morgan with Mom and Jaida and she had a day to rest. Lukas had practice this afternoon and Morgan actually went to sleep in the car while I studied my Intro to Psychology.
Wednesday, Tom called and said he was working the floor at the nursing home and if would be great if I could come in and work from 4pm-7pm...Morgan has practice this afternoon, so I picked up Lukas from school and this is what I done...got the Pal's on the way home to eat, since it was almost 8pm.
Thursday, I am so tired and I go straight home after having a bad day...chest pressure-wise, worried, and I get Morgan's fuzzy blanket and lay on my bed and doze off to sleep...Lukas comes home in about 10 minutes, but he doesn't wake me, although I hear him come in....then I wake up at 4:20 to take him to football practice. Morgan is gone to her game on the bus with the school. It was too far away and she isn't playing much on varsity anyway, so I didn't go.
At football practice, I can't go back to sleep in the car, so I read..I am reading Nights in Rodanthe by Nicholas Sparks so I read some...Tom comes, which ends up not being a good idea at all. I go to the nursing home to take Lukas to see Tom since he has to work graveyard, which will make him working 24 hours, I go get him something to eat and decide to just work a little since I have to wait in town for Morgan to get back from her game...(they won) come home and can't sleep because of chest pressure and caffiene!!! Talk to Tom on the phone for a little while, then I toss and turn all night..
Friday, plan on going to the Cherokee Ballgame tonight since it is homecoming and the kids are saying all thier friends will be there...
Saturday, plan on going to Dollywood since Jason Crabb will be there in concert....

Word for the day

CHANGE

"to become different in some particular way, without permanently losing one's self or its former characteristics or essence."

I usually like change... I hate change...so what are my thougths on change? Change happens and for the most part, I can handle new situations. But lately, new situations are NOT what I need. I do not need change. I need stability. I need the comfort that comes from stability. The definition above is correct, but this time, I think I have lost myself. I think I am not changing very well this time. I am at fault for it all. I am the one who grabbed change by the horns and took it. I do not like change. Sometimes, change is for the better, not this time. I don't think I need to change. Things were fine the way they were. well, not really, but it wasn't change. It was the same. What made me think I wanted change? I am changed, forever, and I will never be the same. I never want change again. I want the same. I want to be assured that things are the same...forever... CHANGE..right now, I hate it.